after dinner studying [emmelia]

[equivocate]

This was going to be a long boring night. Regulus had been needing to catch up on his homework, unfortunately he'd been lagging behind lately. But it wasn't his fault, he just had so much on his mind lately that he just couldn't focus on his homework. So here he was after dinner in the library doing his best to cram all of his homework in tonight so he didn't have to worry about it anymore. He highly doubted he'd be able to get it all in tonight, he had so much to do it was a bit ridiculous.

Leaning back in his chair a little as he began to flip through the pages of Hogwarts, A History, he did his best to focus on the task at hand. Though the last thing he wanted to be doing right now was studying and writing papers for classes. Maybe he could manage to copy off one of his friend's once he got back to the common room? But he didn't want to depend on that. No, he should just be honest and do his best on this stupid bloody paper.

Fortunately for him he'd managed to get one of the most secluded tables in the back of the library. Not many people had come back here and whenever one of them did he'd given stared them down and they'd quickly left. The only person he wanted to talk to right now was Emmelia, between his classes he'd passed her a note telling her he'd be up in the Library if she wanted to keep him company. He really hoped she would come. He liked having her around even when he couldn't be lovey dovey with her all the time. Letting out a sigh he ran his hand through his dark hair, really wishing all his homework would just do itself.

Taking up a piece of parchment he began to copy down a few notes, this was going to be dull boring work. Every now and then he'd look up, really wishing that Emmelia would come. Though he wouldn't blame her if she didn't show up, he doubted he would ever hang out in a library with somebody except for maybe her if she ever asked him to.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia Jenelle Jammison was looking at an unopened letter from her parents, mainly her father. She sat there on her bed just staring at it, wanting it to just disappear. She had received it earlier today and it's been haunting her ever since. What could it possibly be this time? She sighed heavily and ran a hand through her long brown hair which was in loose curls along her shoulders. She looked at her dresser to see the note that Regulus had slipped to her earlier, and began to collect a few of her books along with the unopened letter from her parents.

She headed for the library and all the while she had a feeling deep down that it was another death threat from her father. It wouldn't have surprised her really if it was. She expected them now if they were letters from her parents. She got the point, her parents wanted her dead, they could stop with the threats. All of it was just getting old and just put her in the worst mood.

Emmelia walked to the very back of the library with a sullen look written across her face. She found Regulus quite easily, since she knew he would be in the very back, that's how most Slytherin's could be found in the library. She slammed her books onto the table and sat down in the chair. She laid her head on the table and gave him the letter without saying a single word. Tears were forming in her eyes and she almost couldn't take it anymore.

"Read it...I can't..." She whispered to him more upset than she thought she would be. What could possibly be in the letter? What would Regulus say?

[equivocate]

All he could think about right now was how he really really really didn't want to be doing homework right now. He could be lounging in the common room, talking with his friends and just relaxing for a bit. He knew it was his own damn fault for putting off all this homework but still, he had much more important things to do than sit around and study and read about all this boring stuff. Besides what good would this be doing him? He already knew what he was going to do with his life, why should he be worried about all this old nonsense? This wasn't relevant now and it certainly wouldn't be relevant any time soon so why did he have to study it?

He hadn't been paying attention as she walked over, he'd been too busy writing down a few notes, as she slammed her books down he almost tipped over in the chair. Quickly gaining his balance he looked up from his book, about to joke about her lovely entrance. But then he was handed the letter, he looked at it, not sure whether or not he should open it. "What's this about?" He asked, curiously, he could tell she was upset but he couldn't tell why. Putting down his book and the parchment, he opened up the letter not expecting to what was coming next.

Reading the letter silently, he was quite confused. What was this about killing her? Was this some sort of death threat? He really didn't want to continue reading, after the first few lines he figured he had gotten the idea. Looking down at the signature, he couldn't believe what he was reading. No, this couldn't be from who he thought it was. Putting the letter down, he wasn't really sure what to say. "What is going on, Emmelia? What the hell is this?" Was this some sort of a joke? It didn't seem like it was and if it was it was some very sick sort of joke that didn't make sense to him. Moving his chair so he could be closer to her, he set down the letter on top of his books and put his arm around her. "Emmelia, darling, tell me what's going on," he said softly, doing his best to calm her down. He was so confused right now, why would anybody be sending her any sort of death threat? It made him upset to say the least, he wanted to protect her and keep her safe.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia wished that everything was a dream. That in reality she lived in perfect harmony with her family. That her and her father were extremely close, he would never bring harm to her or put her in danger. That her mother wasn't spineless and allow her husband to beat her eldest daughter. That her siblings and her always got along and everything around the house would be just fine. Instead it was all just awful and not many people knew just how bad things got around her household. Nobody knew how much blood was spilled from her from her father, how many bruises she had, how he forced her to become a Death Eater.

The tears fell at last, she was so done with it all. She could hear the shock in Regulus' voice, feel his arm around her trying to soothe her a little bit. She looked up and glanced at the letter, noting the familiar tone, and wording as the last few she had received from her father. She looked at Regulus and shook her head, it was time that he knew everything. She wished it was at a better time but she needed him right now.

"Regulus, there's a lot about my family you don't understand..." She began after she calmed down a little bit. "This is going to be a long explanation but bear with me, alright? It's about time I told you everything, anyways." She took in a deep breath and wiped the remaining tears off her face. "When I was little, probably around five years old, I discovered the muggle children across the street. I thought that they were friendly and all I wanted to do was have a playmate or two. So, I snuck across the street, needless to say, my father found out and I was beaten for it..." The tears welled up once again recalling the first time her father ever laid a hand on her.

"The abuse didn't stop there...if I even did the slightest thing wrong or stepped out of line just a little, I would either get beat, or have a curse on me. It wasn't even just once a week, it was literally every single day. Growing up with that brings a lot of resentment and I just finally gave up and began to just rebel when I could. I told them I hated being pureblooded, that cost me not only being punched and kicked but the Cruciatus Curse as well, for a grueling half hour. I told them that I refused to be a Death Eater, they forced me into it anyways, I have an assignment to kill a muggle as soon as I get out of Hogwarts. I got beat and cursed for that as well...

"There's a reason why I am the way I am. Why I go against my own bloodline. Why should I be proud to be a Jammison? Why should I when my father beat me senseless? Why should I when I was forced into doing something I didn't want to? Why should I when I'm receiving constant death threats from my own family..." She looked at him the tears falling at that point and whispered, "Why should I Regulus?" She picked up the letter and read it for a moment before setting it back on his books. With a sigh she whispered again, "I don't know what to do..."

[equivocate]

Why hadn't she said anything to him sooner? He really wished she had, maybe then she could have stayed with them and not been around her family. Regulus felt terrible he hadn't known or that he hadn't asked before this. Why had she kept this a secret from him? When she had known everything about him, all his family drama, he had told her everything that was going on with him for the most part. And very few people ever got that out of him, not even his own family got to know everything that was going on with him.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing, her family always seemed so nice he couldn't ever imagine them doing something like this. He could understand why she felt that way, but at the same time he didn't want to agree with the idea of her going against her bloodline. That's what Sirius did and look how he ended up. At least his parents weren't as ruthless as hers were. "But you're a Death Eater now, shouldn't they be proud of you?" He asked, he knew his parents would love him even more once he became a Death Eater.

He thought about it for a few minutes, what was there to do? He sighed as he tried to think about the options. This was all so complicated. There wasn't too much you could do once you became a Death Eater. "Well I'll join, I mean I'm planning on joining. I can help you, maybe they can change your mission." He suggested, he was more than willing to help her and protect her even if it was from the Death Eaters. At least if they were both in it, they'd be together. "It will be okay, we'll figure something out. Maybe my parents can talk to yours about this whole situation." Hopefully one of his ideas would help, he wasn't sure where he stood with all this. He was still in shock over this whole letter thing, and he still was trying to process her entire story.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

"I want you to know the only reason I didn't tell you was because I didn't want to over bear you with my family drama, while you had all yours going on too." Emmelia told him wiping the tears away with her sleeve. She was upset, confused, and she felt alone. Sure, Regulus was there to try and help her, but in reality what was there for them to do about the situation? She had to get out of her house that was one thing. She couldn't live there any longer.

"No, because they thought it would change me. I never wanted to be one, and they all know it too. I can't kill anybody, Regulus, I honestly don't have it in me to do so. Especially if they didn't deserve it." She told him and shook her head. She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to think of things she could possibly do now. Lie to her parents and say she had a change of heart? What was there...

Emmelia looked at him as he commented on joining. Her face went pale and all she did was stare for a moment or two. "Reg, please don't." She whispered the tears forming once again. "Please, it's not worth it..." She added horrified at what had come out of his mouth. It was too much for her to handle right now and she felt like she couldn't breathe. It was all coming down on her and she was about to have a panic attack.

"What can they possibly say, Reg? What can they say or do to change my father's mind?" She asked now standing and pacing across from him. She was trying to calm down a little, but she still felt like everything was closing in on her. It was all way too much for her right now. She couldn't handle it anymore.

[equivocate]

Well he was somewhat grateful she hadn't told him in the middle of his own family drama. He thought his own family issues were bad, he couldn't believe that this was going on in Emmelia's family. "Thank you...but really you should have told me. I mean, you were there for me through that whole thing with Sirius. It's only fair for me to be here for you when you need me. Maybe this would have ended up differently if I could have helped you sooner." He really hoped it couldn't have ended up differently, he already felt horrible for not being able to be there for her but if he knew there might have been a slight chance that this could have ended up differently had he been able to help, he would feel much much worse than he did now.

Killing a muggle couldn't be that bad. Maybe if she found one that deserved death? He trying to think about what he would do in her shoes, he knew he wouldn't want to kill but if it was his life or theirs he would think he'd kill a muggle. "But if it's what you have to do to survive, why not just do it? Then maybe you won't have to do it ever again." He thought about the whole situation, he wished he had an immediate answer for her, he wished he could just make this all go away.

He could tell she was upset over what he had said, but what was he to do? He wasn't about to not join, it was what he had wanted. What else did he have going for him if he didn't join? "Why not? I mean... I've been wanting to join for a while. And then I'll be with you." For him it would be a win-win, he could protect her and who knows maybe even help her get out of this somehow. At least they'd be together, that was all that mattered.

"I don't know." He shook his head, he was usually under the impression that parents could fix anything. Though maybe this was even beyond repair for them. Letting out a sigh, he watched her pace back and forth which only just made him more uneasy about this situation. "It'll be okay Em, we'll figure out something," he said trying to get her to calm down. Everything had to be okay, he was going to do whatever he could to make things okay.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

"Maybe it could have wound up differently. I really should've told you sooner, but I was afraid that you wouldn't understand, or would judge me, or something. I don't know. It was stupid of me to keep this from you." Emmelia responded. What if things did wind up differently if she told Regulus sooner? "Well, if it makes you feel any better Sirius knew all along, and didn't do anything. You're at least noticing the seriousness of the situation." It was true Sirius really just listened and did nothing. She was in need of help and she was stupid to not tell Regulus of all people sooner. Then again she thought that maybe he would be like Sirius and not do a thing at all.

Emmelia couldn't kill somebody, it just wasn't in her nature. Which was another reason why her father didn't like her at all. What if she did and it turned everything around? But what if they made her do it more? "I can see my father backing off a little if I did, but at the same time I'm afraid they would have me do it again. I'm not a killer, Regulus, I just don't know if I could actually do it..." She whispered, her voice shaken. She wanted everything to go away, to make everything better, but she knew that she would have to do something drastic for that to happen.

She stopped pacing and sat down on his lap. "I know you've been wanting to, Regulus, but you have so much out there for you. Is it all worth it? Is it worth risking your own life for? She asked him tracing her fingers along his jawline. "I can't stop you from what you want to do...and I'll support your decisions, as long as it makes you happy." She added after a couple of moments. She may not like Regulus becoming a Death Eater, but if that's what he wanted to do she would have to support it. Regardless of how risky it might be.

Emmelia sat there the tears finally dimming down a little. She nodded in agreement to they would figure something out to do. She wished that she could know now, be able to resolve it all. She wanted someone to just tell her the answer, but she knew that was never going to happen either. Things were just so complicated.

[equivocate]

Hearing that Sirius hadn't done anything, just made him even more angry at his brother. Really? Who in the hell wouldn't try and help? It was ridiculous. This was one of their oldest friends, somebody they had both known forever, why wouldn't his brother try and help her?! "Are you serious? Trust Sirius to not give a damn about anything serious, all he cares about are his stupid friends," he said bitterly. Though he was slightly annoyed that Sirius had known all along, what made Sirius better than him? Why had she trust his stupid brother and not him?

"Well it would be worth it, some random persons life for yours. Especially if it would help your family. It would be hard to do, but maybe you'd only have to do it once." It was hard to think positively when talking about killing a person but he was doing his best to try and make her feel better. If he could he would kill for her, he would be more than willing to do it for her if it meant things would get better for her. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after a while, after all most people he knew that were Death Eaters enjoyed it a lot, it couldn't be all that horrible.

He wrapped his arms around her, he hoped to be comforting to her. "Of course it's worth it. I've been wanting to do this for a while now, my parents would be so proud... it's definitely worth it." At least he hoped it would be, there was no reason why he wouldn't like being a Death Eater. He would be with his friends, his family's friends, and they would be promoting their views, the views that everyone of the wizarding world should think. Smiling a little as she said she'd support him, he was glad he at least had her support even though he knew she didn't really agree with what he was going to do.

"Whatever happens, I'll be there for you. You know that, right?" He looked at her seriously, he wanted her to know that he'd always be there for her. He didn't care what happened between them, he would be around for her. Especially right now, he didn't care what he had to do, but he'd do anything for her. "And you can tell me anything, anything at all," he added after a moment, he didn't care what it was, he just wanted to be able to help her even if it might be something he really didn't want to hear, he was willing to listen.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia knew that he was probably upset that she didn't tell him first. She told Sirius because she thought he would better understand more, be able to help her more. "Yeah, I mean the letters have just recently came in, and he offered for me to stay with James and him. I just wish there was another way to handle it then to intrude on them." She told him and felt horrible for not telling him first, but she didn't know what to say about it. She knew that it bothered him though, anything involving Sirius bothered him.

Emmelia nodded and took in a deep breath asking, "Would you help me, Reg?" She knew that she definitely wouldn't be able to do it if she was on her own. Maybe if Regulus was there to help her through it, just maybe she'd be able to go through with it. She's be a mess afterwards too, she really needed him to be there. To help her through the whole situation...hell, she needed him in general with everything that was going on.

"I'm proud of you, love. I'm happy you know what you want." She told him and kissed him gently. He was going to make his family proud, and she would be there to support whatever he decided to do. She may not agree with it, she may hate some of the things he'd have to do, but she would support him to the fullest. She loved him after all, what would she do if he was gone...she'd be completely lost. To love someone is to support them fully, accept them for who they are, and Emmelia hoped she was doing the best at both.

"I know you are." Emmelia answered wrapping her arms around his neck. "And I know I can tell you anything." She added in a whisper. He always knew how to make her feel better regardless of the situation. How he did, she didn't know, but she loved it.

[equivocate]

"Oh yeah because you staying with Sirius and James would make your parents so pleased." He rolled his eyes, he really couldn't believe his idiot brother sometimes. Honestly, must he be the golden child in everything? Clearly he took the gold in looks, at least in his opinion, he had his family's love, apparently brains, and he was pretty much amazing at everything he did. Cocky much? Yeah, anything involving Sirius made Regulus cocky because really he was the best there is.

He didn't hesitate at all when she asked for his help,"Yeah of course." He nodded, he would be more than willing to help her. Though it felt a bit weird to be talking about this stuff, the idea of premeditating the murder of some random person was a bit weird. If it were up to him he'd want it just to be random, that way he didn't put too much emotion into the act of killing. He supposed he would have to get used to it. Plus maybe this would be good practice for him, he didn't know what he was going to have to do when he became a Death Eater, so at least he could learn from her experience.

He grinned as she said that she was proud of him, kissing her back softly. "Thanks, love." His family and her approval were everything to him. And even though he knew that she didn't really like what he was doing, it meant a lot to him that she would be there to support him. It was at these times where he thought maybe he was actually in love. He didn't want to think about being in love, love would be such a distraction and maybe even change his mind. If he was in love he wouldn't want to risk losing it, especially after he became a Death Eater. God only knows what might happen to him on one of those missions. He knew it could be dangerous so he didn't want anybody having to worry about him.

He pulled her in close and kissed her on the cheek,"Good. And next time don't go to Sirius, I am the Black brother with the brains afterall." He said jokingly, but really it was true. Regulus was glad he could make her feel a little better, he knew this would be hard to get through but he was glad she had told him. At least now they could work on this problem together, like how a couple should work on a problem.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

"Yeah, I thought the same, but I have to get out of my house. I really don't want to stay there any longer than I have to." Emmelia told him. "I can never keep them happy, even if I fix this, there will be something else. I have to move out, very soon." Regulus could be a little cocky when it came between him and his brother. It was obvious that Regulus thought that he was the better one. She wished that the two could possibly get along, she cared for them both. It would just make her life easier if they could forgive their differences.

Perhaps killing at random would be the best option. What if that person had a family? What if they were married, had kids? How could she ruin someone's life in such a way. She took in a deep breath and shook her head. "This is going against everything I believe in." She muttered. She couldn't believe she was actually contemplating murder. How in the world could she murder somebody?

Emmelia loved Regulus but was never going to tell him. She knew how he was, he didn't want to be attached, to be tied down. Especially with him going to be a Death Eater now, all of her hopes of them being together seemed to be going down the train. Could he not see how much she loved and cared for him? She was willing to disregard her beliefs to support him. To be fully with him...she felt that it was just a silly dream now anymore.

"Regulus Arcturus Black! That was not nice!" She giggled at his last comment and looked him in the eye with a small smile. "Promise that we'll figure this out together?" She asked him seriously. She wanted to know if he was actually going to help her, actually be there for her completely. It would mean a lot if he actually helped her with this situation.

[equivocate]

"Then move in with me. I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind, they'd love having you around. You can take Sirius' old room." Or she could just sleep in his room, he wouldn't mind sharing with her. He couldn't ever imagine himself being friends with his brother again, well maybe being civil but even then he was sure his parents would not be too fond of that idea. Plus Regulus wasn't a huge fan of Sirius' friends and he was sure Sirius felt the same about his friends. So he highly doubted they would ever truly be getting along without really trying hard to be civil to eachother.

At least they could kill them quickly and be done with it? Torturing or anything wouldn't be required right? That was the one thing Regulus wouldn't want to do, he wouldn't mind just killing and leaving but he couldn't see himself toying with somebody and then slowly killing them. That was just too vicious. "Would you rather die than some random person? You know the person might deserve it." He shrugged, he didn't want to think too much about killing a person.

It would be hard to carry out his duties as a Death Eater and continue on this relationship with her in private. Maybe it would better to just be fully with her, it would be one less thing to worry about. Then he would know they were truly eachothers and he had her support, he could depend on her if things ever got hard for him. It was incredibly tempting to give in to these thoughts. But at the same time he didn't want to hurt her, he didn't want to risk this relationship which could possibly happen. Why did relationships have to be so freaking complicated?!

"But it's true." He smirked, it was, he was totally the smarter one of them. Had he been completely disowned and how had to resort to living with somebody as annoying as James Potter? Nope, he was definitely the brighter one of the two. Regulus looked her in the eyes, and said seriously,"I promise, Emmelia. I'll do whatever it takes to help you." He cared about her so much, he wasn't going to risk losing her. Though it would be hard to try and help her when their ideals weren't really the same. But he would do all that he could to help her and try not to step on the toes of anybody else.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

"I can't take his old room. I'd feel very weird about doing that." Emmelia told him. She would much rather stay in his room, be able to stay close to him. "Although, staying with you would make my parents much happier." It wasn't such a bad idea, staying with Regulus and all. His parents had always liked her and it would make the tension between her and her parents a little less hectic. "I will on one condition." She smirked, an idea clicking in her mind.

Regulus' words cut right through her. That was an obvious answer regardless of how she felt. With a long sigh she stood up and sat down in the chair next to him. "Perhaps, my views need to change a little..." She stated a little numb and grabbed one of his books that he had out, Hogwarts a History. Absentmindedly she flipped through the pages, not paying attention to a single word that it was saying. She was beginning to question herself, and she wasn't enjoying it. "Have I been wrong this whole time?" She whispered running a hand through her hair with a sigh, closing the book.

Emmelia was completely numb now, her emotions drained. It was a sensation that rarely happened to her and it wasn't a pleasant one at that. She smiled at him and said, "It may be true that you have the smarts, but still it isn't a nice thing to say, dear." She wished that he would just make her his already. It was ridiculous that they've been kept a secret for so long. She's made it obvious that she was fully supportive of him. Then again that's how he was. "Thank you, Reg. For everything." She smiled.

[equivocate]

"True, I wouldn't want to sleep in there either. It's covered in ridiculous muggle photos and Gryffindor stuff." He rolled his eyes, thinking about how annoying his brother was, he was suprised his parents hadn't gotten rid of him sooner. "Exactly, it would be perfect. You're parents wouldn't have to worry about anything, I'm sure they'd " He smiled, he would love to have her around all the time, it would be just like summer again. Regulus was sure his parents wouldn't mind at all. "Oh yeah? What's that?" He was quite curious as to what this condition was, hopefully it was a very very good condition.

"Maybe just a little. It might make things a little bit easier for you." He shrugged, he didn't think she needed to change her views that much. Well... maybe that wasn't quite true. Though it was a bit hard for anyone to change their views about having to kill someone. After all Emmelia was one of the nicest people he knew, he couldn't really picture her being all excited about killing some random muggle. "I wouldn't blame you for thinking the way you do. I mean what your father did was a little bit... extreme." A little bit an understatement to say the least. He was sure if he had been in her situation he would feel the same way she did. It did make him somewhat question his own views, whether or not he was doing the right thing by joining the Death Eaters. But he had to, for his family, for everyone, and plus he would be able to help Emmelia which he had promised to do.

Regulus just shrugged, sometimes he wasn't the nicest especially when it came to his brother. He especially wasn't about to say anything nice about Sirius around Emmelia, he was still slightly annoyed that Sirius had been told first. Kissing her on the cheek, he hoped he had made her feel a little bit better about the whole situation. "You're welcome." He hated seeing her so down, he wished there was some way to lift up her spirits a little.