after dinner studying [emmelia]

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia just didn't want to be in Sirius' old things. She felt that it would be rude and disrespectful to do so. "I never understood the point of muggle photos." She responded with a small smile. "They would actually be thrilled that I'm staying with someone of their liking." Her smile grew a little wider. She leaned in and whispered in her ear with a small smirk, "I'll move in if I get to stay in your room." Just the thought was tempting her. Being able to stay with him every night, kiss him every morning, be able to actually seem like a couple. It was almost too good to be true.

If Emmelia was going to kill someone she had to set herself up for it. There had to be some way that she could do this without feeling awful afterwards. Maybe she should just get it done and over with over the Holiday coming up. She cringed at Regulus words about her father being a little bit extreme. She pulled out her wand and removed the charm she cast over her scars that never went away. They were all up and down her arms, even a few fresh bruises from before the summer ended. "A little bit extreme?" She asked him looking at her forearm which also revealed the Dark Mark as well, some scars around it.

After a moment or two she put the charm back on and her skin was as if it was never touched, or put through any harm. With a long sigh she smiled after he kissed her on the cheek and said, "I don't know what I would do without you, Regulus." He truly was everything to her, she would jump off of a cliff to save him. Life without him to her wouldn't be worth living for. She loved him very much.

[equivocate]

Regulus nodded in agreement,"I really don't understand the whole muggle fascination. It's just weird." What was the whole interest in muggles? What was so special about them? "Perfect." It would be nice to have somebody else in the house other than his parents and Kreacher. He wasn't sure how much his mother would like it if Emmelia stayed in his room, but oh well. He was sure he could pursuade his mother, maybe tell her they were seriously dating or something. That would probably change her mind if she thought that maybe they might eventually get married or something. Oh god the thought of that much commitment definitely scared him just to think about. "Alright deal. Plus it would make things much easier than you sneaking into my room every night." Besides nobody else would know about their little relationship aside from his parents, well hopefully it would just stay in the family.

He was sure he'd have to kill somebody eventually, whether it was a mission or in a duel or something. It was somewhat apart of the job he was signing up for. But he wasn't too scared about doing, he just wouldn't want to know who he was killing. As soon as Regulus had said it, he knew he shouldn't have. He felt terrible, he wasn't sure what to say. Looking at her arm just made him feel worse. How could anybody to that to their own family? He didn't see how it was possible. "Em, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal," He said quickly, really hoping he hadn't hurt her feelings.

He held her close, he didn't want to let her go right now. He didn't even care if anybody spotted them right now. "I don't know what I'd do without you either." He honestly couldn't imagine what he would do if she wasn't around. It was bad enough to go a few days without seeing her, he didn't want to think about what it would be like without her entirely.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

What was she doing? What in the hell was she thinking? Emmelia was scolding herself, there was one other thing that she had been keeping from Regulus. It was either tell him now or never tell him. Yet she made her decision as well. Which was why she was delaying it, flirting with him, and such. She wished that she could take everything back, broke up with him when she first started dating Sirius. That's how it was supposed to happen, but when she saw him...she choked. With a long deep sigh she stood up and sat down across from him. She had to tell him now...it wasn't fair for him to go on like this when she was committed to somebody else.

"I wish I could say that I would come stay with you, but I plan on going with Sirius, Reg..." Emmelia told him tears welling in her eyes and she swallowed hard. Taking another deep breath she continued, "For about a month now I have been dating Sirius in public...I meant to break things off with you when me and him started, but I choked. I cared for you too much and I thought that there would be something more between us, Regulus...but I know how you are...there will never be an official us..."

The tears broke free once again and she looked up at him a little scared at what was going to happen. She was expecting chairs to start flying, books to explode, perhaps a hex or two at her. She was prepared for the worst to come out of him. But he needed to know, he needed to not be tied down, it was his destiny to become a Death Eater, no matter how much she didn't want him to be. No matter how much she was infatuated with him, she knew that there would be nothing more than just random hook ups, and she needed someone who wouldn't be afraid of being tied down. That someone just so happened to be Sirius.

[equivocate]

He couldn't believe what he was hearing, what in the hell was going on? What the hell was happening?!Why would she go with Sirius? Why had she even been with Sirius? There were so many questions going on in his head, he felt like he had just gotten hit by a car. It was like being in a daze, he didn't know what to say or what to do. He needed her to explain all this, he still wasn't sure how this had all come about. "What?" He was at a loss of words, repeating what she had just said over and over in his head. If he didn't hate his brother already he certainly did now. Part of him wanted to beg her to stay with him, while the prideful side of him just wanted to let her go. Why should he want to stay with her? There were loads of girls that would love to be with him.

He could feel himself shaking with anger, he felt deeply betrayed. Finally he had let somebody in and this was what he got? Here he had been thinking about doing anything he could for her, even helping her kill somebody. And then she had just thrown it all back in his face. He know remembered why he didn't get into relationships, he didn't like this hurting feeling in his chest. Taking a few deep breaths, he looked down at the books on the table, he didn't even want to look at her right now. "You know that promise? That I would do whatever it took to help you. You just lost that, you're on your own." He looked at her, he wanted to murder something right now. "And good luck getting Sirius to help you on your little mission. I'm surprised he's even with you when he knows what you are." He said bitterly, hatred filling his voice as he spoke to her. He wanted to hurt her right now, he never thought that he could ever hate her but it was really starting to seem possible right now.Do you really think he's going to be there after you've gone through with your mission? What do you think he's going to say when he finds out?" He added in a shaky voice, he was doing his best to not yell in the library, he didn't want any unwanted attention.

Standing up, he couldn't believe she was crying. What was he supposed to do, pity her for what she had done? Just hearing her cry made him more and more annoying. How he wished he could curse something right now, he really just wanted to throw things and take all his anger out on anything. It was really hard trying to control his anger right now. But what could he do? He couldn't believe he had been this stupid, how could he have thought that maybe this thing would work out. That maybe he could love someone. But girls were back stabbing bitches, he had forgotten about that fact, he had been too charmed by her to remember it. "I'm such an idiot to think that maybe this would all work out between us." He said more to himself than to her, how could he have trusted her.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia could almost feel the chairs flying over her head, but was surprised when nothing came. Instead the venom in his words were worse. She knew this was going to happen, she knew that he was going to rip her to pieces. She wished that he would hex her instead...get some of his anger out on her. She fully deserved it. Her heart was breaking, she did care for Regulus, more than he probably knew, but her heart belonged to his brother...that was something he would never forgive her for. She heard the words that cut through her and she actually began to get a little angry. Standing up she stood in front of him, almost taunting him to hit her.

"I am not a Death Eater, Regulus Black. Get that through your head. I could never hurt another person who didn't deserve it, and Sirius knows that at least. He knows what I forced into, by my bloody god awful parents. Don't start throwing that in my face, when you were the one pushing for me to do it." She told him off, now her tears were of anger instead. "I'm not going through with the mission, I'm not going to give into Dark Magic oh so willingly just like you are. You have no idea what you are getting yourself into, Regulus. Until you fully experience the Dark Arts against you will you understand, and perhaps it will register through your brain that it isn't all fun and games like you think."

Emmelia was practically on fire, she was angry, hurt, upset, she was a mixture of emotions. The tears finally began to fall as she said, "Honestly, were you ever going to make us official? Just the thought of it could have you running for the hills. You will never be tied down, it just repels you. I'm sorry, Regulus, I'm sorry that this has happened. I never meant for it to. I didn't want to lose either of you...but it seems that you have already begun to push me far away as possible..." She collected her things and looked at him once again.

[equivocate]

He wanted to hurt her, and he was going to do it. If he couldn't do it physically he was going to do it emotionally. He wanted her to know how he felt right now. Right now his heart was bleeding on the floor, everything around him was crashing and burning and there was no way that he could stop this train wreck. He'd felt like he'd been hit in the stomach, he was still in a bit of shock over all of this, he had been completely blindsided. One minute he had been telling her that he was going to take care of her, that he would do whatever it took to keep her safe, and now all he wanted to do was never see her again.

"Oh so you're going to die then? Great idea, you know I thought you were smart. Apparently I was wrong. Not only would you choose him over me, but you think that you can just skip out on the Dark Lord like it's no big deal?" He couldn't believe this, he couldn't help but laugh a little. Wow, and he had thought she was smart, apparently not. How could she think that she could just get away with this, even he knew that it was basically suicide to skip out on the Death Eaters. Once you committed, you were in and he highly doubted there was any real way out except death. It was harsh but that was life. "I know what I'm getting myself into. I know the seriousness of the situation." Well maybe he was still a bit naive about the Death Eaters but he wasn't about to tell her that. There was no way in hell he was going to admit he was wrong on anything.

Regulus couldn't stand her right now. He didn't want to hate her but more and more by the minute it was really starting to seem real. This was beyond irritating, he wished he could just leave and find his brother and punch him, if that. Maybe beat him up, yes that sounded much better. How he would love to kill him right now. "What if I had made us official? Then what? What if I told you that I loved you, that you were pretty much everything to me?" He said quickly, he couldn't believe the words that had come out of his mouth. Instantly he regretted what he had said, he couldn't believe he had just admitted that. "Already began to push away from you? I was willing to do what it took to keep you safe. I would kill for you, don't you get that?" He said, his voice getting louder, he was sure that people would hear them soon enough. Picking up his books he shoved them in his backpack, he didn't think he could take much more of this. Whatever, he didn't need her, he could go on without some stupid girl in his life. Or so he hoped...

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia was half tempted to get him to induce harm upon her physically, at least then those scars would heal. He was being ignorant but then again that's what she was being like all along. Her blood was boiling at his words, calling her practically stupid was not a smart thing to do, especially since she had real experience in the area. Emmelia knew that she was right about him not knowing a damn thing about the Death Eaters. The possibly impending doom that would loom over him very soon.

"I honestly would rather have died than to have this bloody mark on my damn arm! It makes me sick just looking at it. I was forced to become a Death Eater, forced. I have my ways of getting around it, Regulus. I am not as stupid as you think I might be when it comes to this area, after all I have more experience than you do." She was practically growling at him, how dare he laugh in her face? "Oh, really, you know what you're getting yourself into? Are you sure you do, Regulus? Because not once have you been in the circle yet. Want to hear about your initiation? Want to know how bad they hurt you? I'm sure you would love to become one of them. Pureblood elitists, thinking that they run everything. Thinking that they can kill whoever gets in their way. Could you kill me, Regulus? Could you look me in the eye and kill me? What if that is your first assignment? Or better yet, take your best shot now." Her adrenaline was rushing through her veins. This was not how she imagined it going down.

Emmelia stumbled backwards at the words that fell from his lips. She wanted to run. This wasn't happening, he didn't mean what he said. "You don't mean that, Regulus..." She whispered tears running down her face. "You don't..." She shook her head and practically fell over a chair as she backed up. "I don't want that from you, Regulus." She told him. That's what made Death Eaters, the killing. That's what they were profound for.

[equivocate]

"Good luck. And you think Sirius is going to be there with you? When all he did was listen to you and not give you any real help?" He laughed, he couldn't get over how ridiculous this was. Didn't she know that he was the better one? How stupid could she be to not realize that she was making a huge mistake going to his immature brother who only cared about his stupid little friends. Regulus tried not to listen to her, he didn't want to know about how terrible the initiation was, he didn't want to hear about the bad things that the Death Eaters did. He had some idea of what happened but he didn't want to admit anything to her right now. "Haven't you noticed? We do run everything! We're the strong ones that are getting things done in this world." He said defensively, he couldn't believe she would want to discuss this now. "Now I would never be able to do that. You know that." The thought of having to kill her for his first mission was unbearable. He didn't want to be thinking about it, never had he thought about that. Why couldn't she just give in and try and become one of the Death Eaters? How hard was it? This was so frustrating, he just wanted to leave but he wasn't about to back down. There was no way in hell he was going to back down to her after all that she had done to hurt him. As she challenged him, he was so tempted to hit her. He grabbed her by the arm hard wanting to scare her, pulling her close to him,"Don't tempt me Emmelia, don't you dare tempt me right now. You have no idea what I am capable of." Letting go of her, he glared at the girl he had thought he loved, where had their relationship gone wrong? What had made her want to go to Sirius?

"I don't? What you don't think I could ever love you?" Well maybe she was right, he didn't think he could ever be in love with somebody so ruthless as her. Maybe love just wasn't right for him, maybe his philosophy had been right all along. "I would do anything for you Emmelia, you know that." He said, looking sincerely at her, he felt as if there was something missing from him now. Like she had taken some piece of his soul and just thrown it away, he felt empty.

He took a deep breath, doing his best to calm down a bit, he needed to calm down, it wasn't like him to show this much emotion. "Just tell me one thing, why him? Out of everyone in all of Hogwarts... why him?" That was the one thing that hurt the most out of everything, Sirius was the one person that had ruined so much of his life and now his dearest older brother had ruined the most important thing in his life. Looking down at the ground he did his best to hide just how much he was hurting.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia couldn't respond to the first statement, Sirius would change, he was at least capable of it. Regulus, though, was a whole different story, he followed exactly what his pureblooded veins should. "By getting things done you mean killing off those whom you all deem is inferior. All you are is scared. Scared that they will over run you, taint your precious blood." She sneered at him, this was why they never interfered with each others views. It never ended well. Emmelia gasped as he grabbed her but she remained strong, she wasn't backing down, she wasn't scared of him. "You know what they are going to see in you, Regulus. You can't do a damn thing to me, and you think you can actually hurt someone else. You're weak." She wanted to push him to his limit. She wanted to see just how far he would actually go, even though she knew he wouldn't do a damn thing.

Emmelia stood there unable to fully believe what he was telling her. He loved her. Then why was he so afraid of committing to her? "If you love me, then why were you so afraid to commit? If you love me you would let me go and be happy that I'm happy..." She told him everything just crashing down all around him. She cared for Regulus, she really did. She wanted what was best for him, and being a Death Eater was not one of those things either. "Would you not join them, for me?" She asked him, knowing the answer would be no. Being a Death Eater meant to much to him, to prove to his family that he was the child gone right.

"I have always loved him, Regulus. Ever since we were kids, I loved him. I care for you, Regulus, but what we had could never compare to what I want with Sirius." She told him. "Over everyone in the castle, when he looks at me I can see it in his eyes, I can see the sparkle. It's as if I am the only person that matters." She decided to shut up because she could honestly go for hours.

[equivocate]

"Scared? Of what? We are keeping things the way they should be that's all, they way they have been in the past. What's wrong with that?" He smirked, now he knew why her parents were sending her death threats. Had he every said anything like this to his parents he would have been buried in the backyard by now. Now he had no sympathy for her little story about her father. He opened his mouth to say something and then quickly shut it, he couldn't say that he wasn't weak when it came to her. After all she had been the one to do the one thing he had never wanted to do ever, fall in love. Instead he just glared at her, even if he did hate her right now he would always have a place in his heart for her. He would rather die than to kill her, he hated to admit it.

"I don't want to ruin what he had going for us." He couldn't even believe they had been together right now, he couldn't imagine that he had fallen in love with somebody that had betrayed him like this. "If it was anybody else I might be able to but not him..." It was hard enough to think about her with somebody else, but it was even worse to know that it was his brother. The one that had ruined everything for him, that had forced him to become the golden child and take the roles that were originally for Sirius. "Didn't you just say you'd be proud of me if I joined? I know that you don't want me to join, but this is what I want." It had meant so much that she had wanted him to be happy, but now he could see it had all been a lie. How could he have been that stupid to believe everything she had said, to think that maybe one day they could be happy together and be a real couple.

Was she just trying to hurt him? Everything she said about Sirius was just like another stab in the heart to him. If she had been so happy with Sirius why hadn't she just spared him from the heartbreak in the beginning before he could develop these feelings for her? He was really trying hard to not show just how much he was affected by what she was saying. Closing his eyes he tried to calm himself down, he needed to just breathe and try and not feel the pain. After a few moments he looked back at her,"Did you ever think about how much this would effect everything? Sirius may have forgiven you for this, hell... if you had left him for me I would forgive you too. But since that's not the case..." He sighed and tried to keep up the tough facade. "You know things will never be the same between us. I hope you're happy with the choice you've made." He doubted he could ever forgive her, he couldn't ever imagine trying to talk to her or be around her after this, it would be too difficult. Just the thought of having to avoid her was hard for him, why did this have to be so hard?

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

"What's wrong with that? Really? They are just the same as us, except they don't have pureblood. They have magical abilities, and even still muggles have the right to live." Emmelia scolded him. Emmelia noticed that he was about to say something and she said, "Say it." She wanted to know what could possibly be on his mind. They were already duking it out, he might as well bring it all out onto the table. It was ridiculous that it would end this way...but she wasn't expecting anything less either.

Emmelia knew it was a silly idea that Regulus would be happy for her. She should have never had such high hopes for them. Perhaps they were too different. "You don't know what you are getting into. But if it's what you want, then I can't stop you, Regulus. I don't agree with it though. I don't want anything to happen to you..." She told him merely over a whisper. She wished it would be different. She knew that he would never give up being a Death Eater for her. "I suppressed my views, I kept us a secret, I did all that for you, Regulus. You can't even give up being a Death Eater. Does it honestly mean that much to you? When you don't even know what goes on." She questioned him.

"I looked at both sides of the situation, but at least when I told Sirius he just wanted me to be happy regardless if I chose you. That's what love is, Regulus, being willing to let go of the one you love so that they can be happy." Emmelia told him collecting her books in her arms about ready to leave. "That's why I have to let you go. Being a Death Eater is what you want, what will truly make you happy. You can't be in a relationship with someone whose against it at the same time. I love you enough to let you go do what you need to do." She walked closer to him, leaned up and kissed him on the cheek a couple of tears falling. With that she moved to walk out of the library.

[equivocate]

"They are not the same as us. They will never be the same as us. They don't have the same knowledge as us, it's best if it just stays the way it always was." Regulus hated to argue with her, he didn't like being upset at her. They had rarely ever fought about anything, and when they had it was nothing this serious. "I would rather die than kill you. If it meant that and becoming a Death Eater, I'd rather die." He said quickly, he didn't want to admit it, he wanted to be strong and say that he would do anything to become a Death Eater but that would be a lie. He doubted he'd ever be able to kill or harm anybody close to him.

No he would never be happy for her, she had broken his heart and stomped on it until it was in a million little pieces on the floor. He couldn't just let things go and try and be happy that she was with the person that had made his life so difficult for so long. Regulus could care less if anything happened to him right now, he could care less if he would be risking his life as a Death Eater. So what if he died, he had nothing to live for except his family and that was about it. "I appreciated that you kept us a secret. And if you had just been patient I would have wanted us to you know, eventually be a public couple..." He sighed, he wished he had made a move sooner, he wished he had been braver and gone with what felt right. "It means a lot to me, you know that. My family... you know they mean everything to me." He couldn't lose them, especially now and he wasn't about to just drop what they wanted just because of her.

He rolled his eyes at what she said about Sirius, trust his brother to be the more sentimental one, the one to be perfect. Regulus couldn't stand the thought of them together and he wasn't about to put on a fake smile and try and be happy about this situation. No, he was going to do his best to make his brother's life a living hell now. He didn't care what he had to do, but it was on, he was going to do whatever it took to destroy the two of them. "I can be in a relationship with someone who disagrees. I don't care just as long as you can deal with it. That's the last thing I care about, all that matters is that I love you. What would make me happy is you." He felt her kisses on his cheek, it was all over and he knew it. He could feel that burning sensation in his eyes, he knew that she had broken through his tough exterior and soon the tears would be coming. Closing his eyes, he did his best to not cry, he didn't want to show just how vulnerable she had made him. He was supposed to be tough, he was supposed to not care about this kind of thing. "Enjoy it while it lasts, Emmelia. And when it ends, don't you dare think you can come crying to me. You're on your own." He called after her, he wasn't about to pity her when all of this ended. In fact he'd be happy to see it end in flames, he would thrive in it. Now all he had to do was wait and pray that it would be sooner rather than later.