been staring down the barrel of a gun--lily&snape

[severussnape]

For a while, he'd thought it all a very interesting dream. That was, until he woke up. Then he realized it was a nightmare.

All around him was a Hogwarts that he'd left behind years ago. It was strange... Walking around these corridors at night used to comfort him some, as he reminisced about all the times in the past when he had roamed them, up to no good. And now that he was actually in that particular memory, it didn't exactly make him feel very nostalgic. In fact, it was making him bloody miserable.

Not that he was a bundle of happiness regularly, but he'd at least had the end of the war to look forward to. Now what did he have? At least another twenty years to wait, that's what.

He grimaced, pacing up and down the hallway until one of the portraits "ahem"ed at him rather rudely. Severus considered blasting a beam of light at it, turning it to the wall, or something else equally nasty, but he didn't want to waste the energy. This time travel didn't feel right, didn't feel safe, and the lack of control had left him reeling. He needed to stay alert.

Turning left at the end of the corridor, he stopped short of crossing the hallway that contained the Room of Requirement. It was tempting, that he had to admit. He could step into that room and never come out, hide away for the duration... but to do so would not only be cowardly, it would be horrendously boring. As much as he valued his privacy (perhaps above all else), he was not foolish enough to assume that he could go without seeing a single soul for twenty years. Aside from that, there was a possibility of finding a way back to his own time, and he would do anything to get out of that awful wait. It was bad enough living through it the first time.

The day had been interesting, he supposed. He woke up on the floor in his chambers (which apparently weren't anymore) with his bed on the other side of the room, and he had been unsettled, but hadn't yet understood what had happened. Severus had gone to the closet, only to find it filled with someone else's clothes. Horrified, he'd gone straight for his wand which was, mercifully, on the floor where he'd been laying. Transfiguring himself a set of decent robes from the atrocious selection in the closet, he had ventured outside, only to find the castle in general uproar. Apparently, a large number of "exchange" students had arrived, which wasn't something that really phased Severus any.

However, it wasn't long after that that Severus spotted some of those exchange students. He was torn between being infuriated and being confused. Honestly, Harry Potter, an exchange student? He'd never heard the Headmaster being so incredibly ridiculous, and Severus had heard some insane things from the man. He marched straight up to the Headmaster's office to give him a piece of his mind, but the password wouldn't work. It had been Marshmallow Maggots for about a month, and he simply couldn't conceive of Albus changing it without telling his spy...

It was then that he began to have that horrible clenched feeling in his chest that told him that something was not right. Not right at all. He simply had no idea how to alert the Headmaster to his presence without a password since he'd never been without; so, his feet took him away towards the Great Hall. The whole way down the pain in his chest grew, until he could hardly find the strength to enter the large room. By then, breakfast was nearly at its end and only a few students were out and about.

There was one student that stuck out. A boy, a Slytherin. Someone he used to know, before the war had gone into full swing. A boy who became a Death Eater and, during a battle some years later, he had watched die.

That boy was sitting at the Slytherin table, eating his eggs and reading a book, as if none of those things would ever happen to him.

Severus turned around and left the room, but he could not escape thousands of other clues that told him he was stuck in the past. It was there in the feel of the air, the vaguely familiar faces of the students... there were even some different portraits. By dinner time, he was exhausted from attempting to deny the truth, and then, after dragging himself into the Great Hall to eat since he hadn't all day, Albus announced that the "new people" who had arrived would be teaching classes, since the other professors were taking some "much-needed vacation time", which he took to mean "are taking advantage of the time-travellers to be lazier than they already are". He supposed it would be reasonable to assign some extra teachers to compensate for the extra students, but no doubt Albus had some hare-brained scheme to bring everyone together to write poetry about their feelings and partake in love and happiness and all that. Severus would play along, but he didn't have to like it.

Ironically, he was assigned to Defense Against the Dark Arts. He was aware that it was widely rumored amongst the students that he wanted the job, but really he'd just as well have taught Potions. He liked it a great deal better. Nevertheless, he had to do what he had to do. Just as well, since he could teach all the students about werewolves in great detail so he could watch Lupin squirm...

Severus stopped walking and cursed under his breath. He'd been carefully avoiding thinking about the fact that he would come face to face with James and his following. Not to mention Lily. Or himself.

It was ridiculous, but right then he felt like he ought to take a long nap, and it would be just fine if he simply never woke up. He was getting too old to deal with this sort of thing. He just hoped he would be able to delay meeting with those particular students until a later time... a much later time.

[lily]

Lily sometimes thought that perhaps she should go into medicine for the ungodly hours she was able to stay up. Being Head Girl came with responsibilities that were too much for her sometimes. Night shifts in which she had to patrol the halls, for instance, was the duty she hated most. Lily was one that enjoyed her beauty sleep. After all, the only way to prepare yourself each day was to have a good night’s sleep before hand. And yet, here she was, barely able to keep her eyes open as she sauntered down each hall. Her wand illuminated by a dull Lumos spell, she checked the usual hiding places for eager first years that just couldn’t keep themselves in bed. She knew they would realize the value of sleep later on, when the workload got harder and your body had demands that an hour and a half of sleep just wouldn’t meet. Everything was relatively empty, except for the one fifth year Ravenclaw she caught doing her nails in the girl’s bathroom – and even that was an odd thing to see. Why couldn’t you do that in your dorm?

Regardless, her rounds were monotonous and utterly boring. As she turned another corner, she concocted the idea of going to bed early. What could she possibly catch now that she hadn’t already? McGonagall had informed her that she would have to be stricter with patrols since there were extra students around this year. We would have to adjust. She even considered adding a co-Head girl and Head boy position in order to keep the prefects from becoming overwhelmed. It was a rather nice idea. Lily didn’t like having to waste her free Saturday sleeping in, even if the Head Girl position made her look good for further apprenticeships. She couldn’t even be sure of that. She still didn’t know what she wanted to do with herself after she graduated.

She mulled over the first time she had seen the new students. There were only a few; but, apparently Dumbledore announced them as transfers – and they brought their own transfer Professors with them. She hadn’t the chance to get a look at the Professors yet; but, she did spot a few of the students as they walked into the Great Hall. One of them, a boy, gave her a strange feeling in her stomach. She could have sworn that he looked exactly like James. Perhaps he was a relative? It was unlikely, but the similarities between the two were just uncanny. Oh, what did she care anyway? She didn’t want anything to do with James or his ilk. The new boy probably would have been accepted into the Marauders, and Lily would have to add another person to the list of people that annoyed her. However, she couldn’t judge too soon. Perhaps there was time to get to him before James did: to save the poor soul before he was lost with the immature group of boys who saw it fit to make her life more and more arduous with every prank, tease and joke. Gods, she could only imagine what James would influence that new boy to do.

Maybe James would use him to ask Lily out for the billionth time. And Lily only knew how awful that would be.

Being a sniffer-out of delinquents, Lily’s senses were keen to the sounds of footsteps, giggles and the like. So, when she heard someone straight ahead of her, in the darkness, stop in his tracks and curse just under his breath, she didn’t miss a beat. She let out a loud cough into the abyss, approaching the sound with a bit of spring in her step as she began to shake her head in amusement. ”Really, you didn’t think I would hear you from back there?” she said, coming to a stop when she saw the physical form of a person illuminated by her wand. She was just about to continue when she noticed that, not only was the form much bigger than her; but, it was also adult. That worried her, because she didn’t recognize him. She rounded to his front, pointing her wand directly at his face so she could see. ”I’m sorry, who are you? I don’t recognize you…”

Lily frowned she got a good look at his face. He was middle aged, with black, greasy hair. He was adorned in complete black, and on his countenance was a seemingly permanent scowl. His eyes were very dark, squinted just slightly in reaction to having a bright object being shoved in his face. She recoiled her arm away just slightly, and for some reason, something in her stomach began to churn… not out of fear, but of familiarity. It was strange how she thought she had seen those eyes before, and that scowl. It was strange that the way he held himself felt so familiar, like she had seen him before. She looked over him again. A family friend? No, couldn’t be. Neither her father nor her mother were close friends to any wizards. Just then, it dawned on her. He must have been one of the transfer Professors. She probably caught his face and recognized it now. But, for some reason, that didn’t feel right. His familiarity felt like it should have run deeper than that…

Lily offered a kind smile, pulling her red hair behind her neck. ”Oh, forgive me. You must be one of the new Professors, right? I’m sorry. I thought you were a first year or something.” At this moment, she offered her free hand to him, sideways, palm open, for a handshake, presumably. ”I’m Lily Evans, perhaps Professor McGonagall told you about me? I’m Head Girl.”

[severussnape]

Severus was caught a bit off-guard, if he were to be honest with himself. Generally he was used to students cowering before him in the dark hallways, but it would seem the tables had been turned. To his chagrin, the girl's stern attitude almost made him feel guilty, until he remembered that he was still a teacher, and she was still a student, and it was perfectly allowed for the both of them to be out and about in the dead of night.

She introduced herself and held out her hand to him, graciously apologizing for mistaking him for a student. If only she knew. Severus just stared at her extended hand for a moment as if it were a piranha. Fate was a cruel mistress indeed, to have brought Lily Evans to him the very moment when he had been dreading such an encounter.

But he wasn't a spy for nothing. Swallowing the way the panic and the helplessness creeped up the back of his neck, he forced his hand forward. He appeared calm as he clasped his warm hand with hers, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he was exchanging pleasantries with a ghost.

"The Headmaster mentioned you briefly," Severus told her, keeping his voice neutral. "Head Girl... Well, I suppose you're a Gryffindor then. How quaint."

He grimaced, not being able to contain his general disdain for all things Gryffindor. It wouldn't do for Lily to think he knew her, or even that he liked her at all. Best to keep his distance; after all, he'd heard enough horror stories about time travel for it to put him off trying anything brainless like befriending a seventeen-year-old who, for all intents and purposes, had been his best friend for a large portion of his life. He didn't like the feeling that she might know more about him than he really understood.

Releasing her hand, Severus stood up straighter, willing himself to stop wool-gathering and pay attention. This might be a pivotal moment, where he could completely dismiss her and she, in her youthful selfishness, would avoid him in order to preserve her pride. Then again, when had Lily ever reacted predictably? He wasn't really all that sure that his general rules for adolescent behavior applied to her. "I am Professor Abaris," he explained smoothly, using a name he had used before, only now he would have to adopt it fairly consistently. He'd always been good at lying, but sometimes he was amazed at how quickly they could come to his lips. "I've been elected to teach Defense."

Letting his eyes wander as if he were a little bored with her, he asked, "What brings you to the corridor this late? Have a passionate tryst of your own?"

At that, he couldn't keep a scowl off his face. Because honestly? It might be true. He couldn't exactly remember when Lily had begun dating that good-for-nothing Potter, but he knew it was seventh year. So, it was soon, if her being Head Girl was anything to judge by. He suddenly had this vision of catching them snogging in one of the classrooms, or worse. Severus wasn't really sure what he would do if that happened. Probably best to stay clear of the area around Gryffindor Tower then, even if it meant sacrificing his favorite nightly haunt.

[lily]

Professor Abaris? The name didn’t ring a bell. And yet, she was still hung on the idea that she knew this man. Even the way he acted felt familiar. His flippant and off put nature would have been something that would have normally offended her if she didn’t feel like hadn’t dealt with it from him before. His voice was smooth and deliberate; delivering each word with a particular punch that resonated in Lily’s ears for long while before fading away into silence. She gripped his hand with appropriate tightness and gave it a firm shake before retracting her hand back to her side. There it remained, clenching and flexing a few times as she tried to shake the feeling that she had felt his hand once too.

He was rather nonchalant for a Professor, to which she wasn’t exactly surprised. There had been many occasions in which run-ins with Professors ended with a pleasant, informal chat, before they both went on their ways to take care of whatever important business they had to get to. It was different at night, though. There weren’t a lot of things you had to do at this time of night, even if you were staff or prefect. Getting out of chats like these ended up being awkward, since you had to signal to the opposite that you were no longer in interest of talking. Lily doubt that would come from her end, though, as she had unexpectedly acquired the curiosity to know where she had seen him before.

She ignored his comment about the Gryffindors, not because she was mature and clear headed; but, because she didn’t exactly care. The Houses meant nothing to her, and the House Cup was merely a reward that had become rather lackluster and boring. It lost its splendor after her second year. By the time she was in her seventh year, she didn’t even have the interest to keep track of which Houses had how many points. It just didn’t matter in the long run. So, his jab at whatever House he pleased meant nothing to her – he wasn’t jabbing at her. He didn’t know her, presumably. His attempt at insult, if that was what it had been, ultimately failed.

However, his comment about trysts did not. Being as she was, Lily’s face could not help but manage to blush just slightly at even the suggestion that she were being intimate with someone in the castle, and so blatantly. The very idea that he would suggest such a thing was rather odd to her. To be honest, she began to wonder if he was one of those Professors… But he didn’t seem like the type. Perhaps she was being paranoid. ”Professor,” she breathed, forcing out a small, nervous laugh. ”Hardly. I could only be so lucky.” It was rare for Lily ever to use sarcasm. In this situation, it seemed to fit. ”I mean, I don’t even have…” She stopped there. Lily didn’t even know why she would even go that far into talking about it. It was none of his business after all. She almost wanted to chastise him for being inappropriate; but, you know, he was still a Professor. He had more powerful. She let out a soft cough and shook her head.

”Regardless,” she began again, giving his body a quick look over. It felt so hard not to ask him now. The curiosity was overwhelming to the point where she knew she probably couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t find out. ”Listen, it’s strange. I don’t recognize your name; but, I can swear that I’ve seen you somewhere before. Do you know my father, perhaps? It’s just really bothering me.”

[severussnape]

Severus' scowl deepened. Lucky? Luck didn't have anything to do with it. The girl was so beautiful she could have anyone she chose, not that she ever went out of her way to attract anyone. However, it was widely assumed by then that she was destined for James, which kept most suitors away.

Even him, for the most part.

Nevertheless, he found himself strangely mollified to find out that she was not yet infatuated with that idiot Potter. It gave him a grim sort of satisfaction to cherish that glimmer of hope that she would never date him, never marry him, and never spawn the child that seemed to take up all of Severus' time these days. Oh yes, he would love to see all of James' affections unrequited.

Breaking that line of though, Lily began to speak again. What she said next had him thinking fast. She recognized him... already. He'd spoken to her for thirty seconds and here she was, staring at him quizzically like he were a crossword puzzle she'd love to figure out. Where could he claim to have met her? It had to be some place where she would think the people unimportant.

He could not even believe he remembered this after all these years, but he recalled Lily complaining about mandatory company barbeques that her family had had to go to over the years. She'd told him she always brought a book since the people were mostly boring and the children were hellions. The tiny glimmer of memory was just enough truth to fuel Severus' lie.

"Your name is Evans, yes? I believe I met your father briefly," he told her. "Ah, yes, we worked for the same company when I had to take a Muggle job a few years back. Perhaps I saw you at one of the parties?"

Even as he said it, he made sure to look like he really didn't care what her answer was. And really, he didn't, because of course he hadn't seen her there. He'd just lied straight through his teeth.

He moved on to ask her a question, as if he didn't find their previous subject particularly important. Severus needed to find out more about his situation, and what better time to do it than now, when there would be no one lurking about? "What can you tell me about your Defense class?" he inquired, leaning on the wall slightly. If he were to really pull off fooling her, he supposed he ought to at least put her at ease. "Seeing as I haven't been here for nearly fifteen years, and the Headmaster hasn't the time to spend on his new professors...? Also, I see wisdom in asking the Head Girl exactly what she'd like to learn."

Really, he ought to just end the conversation and continue on his way, but, if he was going to be honest with himself, he wanted to talk to her. Yesterday, Lily Evans was long dead and cold. Today, she was standing before him, chattering politely and gazing at him with tired eyes. It had to be getting fairly late, but Severus knew he was nowhere near close to being tired. A strange energy had overtaken him. He wanted to talk to her, to take her hand again, to feel like he had his friend back. Being able to view all these "current" events in retrospect helped him to understand... even if Lily had never loved him the way that he had loved her, she had still cared more for him than anyone he'd met before or since. Their friendship had been special to him, and he'd lost it without putting much effort into regaining it.

And now that he had the sort of perspective that would allow him to try harder this time, there was no way he could do it. She was seventeen. For all intents and purposes, she was still a child. And too, there was no telling what could happen if she even had the slightest clue who he might actually be. As much as he longed to make it up to her, staying anonymous was safer for him. He didn't exactly want to experience her anger and rejection again, did he? He'd had enough pain for a lifetime, and he'd just as well avoid it if he had the choice. He would be her Professor, and that would have to be enough.

[lily]

Her curiosity was sated for the time being. His answer came to quell her questions well enough, even if it seemed rather dubious. But, how could Lily question him? The only way he could have known about those stupid barbeque parties was if he really was there. Perhaps that was really when she had met him, exchanging brief exchanges when his father passed her to meet him. Her father had done so many times, beckoning Lily to his side so he could promptly show his daughter off to them – “This is my Lily, oh yes, she’s very pretty isn’t she? Very smart too. She has a lot ahead of her. I’m so proud” – all that. She didn’t remember most of the faces that she was force to smile at; but, she could suppose that his stuck. It was a rather peculiar face after all.

Lily didn’t see the point in pushing the line of inquiry after that. He had positioned himself against the wall and it had become his turn to interrogate her. It was as she expected: he wondered about classes. She sometimes wondered if Professors had anything else on the brain. He apparently valued her opinion, which wasn’t strange. She was very much at the top of her game when it came to this school. All her Professors adored her and thought she was the most brilliant witch of their time. Her future was limitless, they would always tell her. And yet, she could never shake that feeling that there were limits; that she was living on borrowed time. She didn’t even know what she wanted to do with her future. She didn’t even know if there was a future for her. Politics usually wasn’t her thing; but, the rise of this small group of radicals that wanted people like her dead... It didn’t make the outcomes very promising. She didn’t like focusing on that, though… Not when she had pleasant company with her.

Lily leaned against the wall too, directly in front of him. ”You aren’t missing much,” she told him, giving a small shrug. ”We spent the first half of this month reviewing what we learned last year, mostly about Patronuses and all that. He went into defending yourself against vampires; but, that didn’t exactly last long. Perhaps it would be a good idea to get into more detail about that. Not everyone has taken the time to read up on that subject like I have.” She wanted to laugh; but, she didn’t. Sometimes she hated being a braggart about these things. She could only manage a slight smile before looking thoughtful again.

”Well, what I’ve always wanted to learn wand-less magic. I know how difficult it is; but, considering the times…” Lily paused then, looking at him uncertainly before shrugging off the feeling. ”Still, it’s a valuable thing to know before we graduate and all. You could teach us about defending against Unforgivables, too, if there is a way. That’s a subject I’m not too knowledgeable of… I mean…”

What Lily began to notice that all the things she had wanted to learn this year during Defense was ways she could protect herself. She knew it was selfish; but, Merlin, she needed to think for herself some. She looked over his face uncertainly, giving a soft sigh. ”But, those things probably aren’t on the require curriculum, are they? Nor would it be pertinent for students to know…”

[severussnape]

Severus gave Lily a look when she mentioned Unforgivables, but let her finish. It gave him some food for thought, knowing that even now she dreaded torture and death. What would she do, if she knew in the future that her own son would endure them at age fourteen? "I imagine they will be quite pertinent soon enough," he retorted, unable to keep the sneer out of his voice. "The time may come, sooner than you think, when it will unfortunately be all too pertinent to know such things."

He grimaced, but he was not thinking of the war, exactly. Severus was more aware than anyone how dangerous the students at this very school could be, especially himself. True, it was unlikely he would ever directly harm Lily, but there was nothing stopping everyone else.

Severus was very cognizant of just how unstable this period in his life had been. This being their seventh year, that left him only months before taking the Mark. He'd had a strong conviction he was doing something right... until he found out the glory of the Dark Lord was not nearly as satisfying as it should have been. By then, it was far too late.

But honestly, who had he been able to turn to? His friends were few, and the numbers continued to dwindle considerably. After losing Lily, all he'd had were acquaintances in Slytherin. The only exception was perhaps Lucius, but their relationship had always been strange. Beside that, Lucius fully supported his joining the Death Eaters. Severus had rid himself of anyone who would tell him to do otherwise.

"Nevertheless," he continued, his tone thoughtful. "It is not a wise decision to offer that knowledge to every student here." At this, he gave her a knowing glance. He was sure she would catch his meaning.

Lily would need protection, but so would some others. Most likely they would learn everything within a few years anyway, but Severus couldn't think of a better way to scope out the minds of the students. What he needed most at the moment was information... And honestly, if he were to get into the Headmaster's good graces, teaching his prized Gryffindors private lessons was likely the way to do it.

If it put him rather closer than he liked to the very students he would rather avoid...? So be it. Returning to his own time period was far more important than his currently less-than-satisfactory company.

Leaning forward slightly, he let his gaze fall briefly on the darkness around them, as if he were preparing to divulge some grand secret. "Would you be willing, Miss Evans, to gather a small group to receive private lessons?" he asked, his voice low. In truth, the castle had eyes and ears everywhere. The Headmaster would find out soon enough. "I was rather worried my days would be filled with useless drivel about how to ward off boggarts or how to contain cursed objects... Neither piece of knowledge is likely to be of much use to you unless you are cleaning house."

[lily]

Lily was unsure of whether he would care, or even take into consideration, the things that she told him. Her surprise was almost palpable at the suggestion of his idea, and the fact that he seemingly understood her hesitations and fears of an uncertain future. She didn’t even have to tell him – it was instant. She tried to not beam as widely as she felt like she could have, as she nodded feverishly in response to his questions. ”Of… of course!” she said, hushing her voice to the same level he had silenced his. She knew better than anyone that the castle had ways of listening into things it was not privy to…

”I’m not exactly sure if I know anyone that would… Well actually…”

Lily stopped. Her mind did turn to a single person, someone who would value that information as much as she would. Severus would. She could remember spending long hours with him, studying the most ridiculous things – not out of necessity, but because they just could. If there was a boy that had ever wanted to spend free time learning and studying extra spells, it was him. Lily outwardly grimaced. She hated thinking about him, ever since that day she finally said goodbye. Whatever things that triggered memories of him always made her sick to her stomach, because it made her realize how much she missed him. She couldn’t miss him, though. She abandoned him out of principle. It didn’t matter if this would have done this with her… she couldn’t ask him, much less talk to him. There was no way to approach him after two years of forced silence. He probably had changed by then. She could imagine that disgusting word he used against her being a part of his everyday vernacular now. She would be that if he ever saw her, he’d curse her into an oblivion… and he would be happy with it.

”N-Nevermind,” she corrected herself, looking over Snape’s face. ”He wouldn’t want to.”

Who else would, though? She could imagine a small group of her friends being somewhat savvy with the idea of joining her in private lessons over defense. Her mind ran through a catalogue of faces, trying to discern who would even be remotely interested in a project like this. Her mind stopped as a certain boy with glasses flashed to the forefront. She grimaced again. That Marauder boy. She knew that James was going to be doing something about this war after they graduated. He would most likely be interested. But would he even want to? Would he even go through with it? He seemed to have the brain of a walnut and the attention span of a five year old. ”I can think of a small group of boys I know; but, I wouldn’t hope for much. That miserable toerag would probably vomit at the very idea of extra studying…” She didn’t mean to rant; but, she couldn’t help it when Potter came to her mind. She was already struggling with the idea that she was harboring SOME feelings about him… but…

Oh, none of that.

”I’ll do my best to recruit,” she said with a bit of finality. She looked over the Professor and offered another small smile. It was strange, to her, over how generous he was being. Most Professors – even the ones that liked her – wouldn’t offer to do this much. Lots of them were even a bit frustrated with the idea of her working ahead. It meant they weren’t in control of her curriculum. But, his accommodation to her needs struck an odd sort of curiosity that sat in her stomach like a pound of lead.

”Professor,” she began a bit uncertainly, biting her lip. ”Why are you doing this? I mean… I’m grateful… but, it’s just you don’t know me and it seems like it would be like a huge imposition on you, with already a full schedule of teaching students from all years…” She paused then, not sure of how to continue that line of thought without making herself sound like some rambling worrywart.

[severussnape]

Severus listened to her diatribe with something like... apprehension. Did he really want to get this close to her, the woman he practically worshipped as a teenager? For another matter, what would he do if she didn't find anyone else? Would he teach her by herself?

A sick wash of feeling overcame him as he thought of being in a room alone with her. Being in a hallway was a different matter entirely... it was public, and he could easily get away, should he have the desire that is, but a classroom? An office? He would have to teach her advanced spells, all the while playing the part of Professor Abaris while he jealously guarded his secrets.

Severus was well used to playing a part, but this would be particularly difficult... She was smart, and eventually she would figure out who he was. She had always been able to read him better than anyone else. And really, how much difference was there, between him and his younger self? Not nearly enough when there were inquiring minds about. He supposed he could have attempted a mild glamor, had he been better informed about his predicament, but seeing as he hadn't? It was too late now, anyway; changing what he looked like would only make him look suspicious now. He would have to rely on convincing lies and nearly a decade of memories, mistakes, and experiences to separate himself from his younger counterpart.

That's not to say it would be at all easy. However, spending time with Lily might actually go a long way towards convincing her he was who he said he was, provided he kept a level head and tuned out distractions... And the biggest distraction would be the girl herself. Long-buried thoughts about Lily were beginning to resurface, a glimmer of hope that perhaps he might gain her favor once again. It didn't matter that she was unaware of his identity; it didn't matter that he intended to leave this time period as soon as possible; and it didn't matter that that her approval would come to him twenty years too late. Though Severus' affections for her had lessened after a time, seeing her now... he could not help the inexplicable desire to be of some worth to her.

Honestly, the woman had been dead, literally dead, for nearly twenty years. Yet here she was, a flush in her cheeks from the cold castle air and the light of life in her eyes. He felt as if he should be happy, she was alive, but was she really? He felt less like he had been reunited with a long-lost friend and more like he was temporarily reviving an unhealthy fixation. How could he enjoy this time he had with her when he fully intended to leave, to go back to a world without Lily Evans?

The strangeness and confusion of his thoughts left him feeling light-headed, which was pretty much how he'd felt all day. Off-balance. Perhaps it would have been better if he'd stayed in his dungeon quarters, but how could he have? They belonged to someone else, now. Nevertheless, he needed to get away. He needed time to think and be alone, to leave this girl with prying eyes.

But he couldn't. He absolutely could not force himself to leave. He just couldn't let her go like that, even such a temporary meeting as this. How sad did that make him?

And suddenly, she was asking him why. Why was he doing this? For information? For Albus? For her?

Who knew? He certainly didn't. "Well, aren't you inquisitive," he remarked blithely. "Perhaps I'm merely feeling charitable today... And you should know I'm well used to a teacher's schedule, and unfortunately I'm also well used to adding various other tasks to said teacher's schedule."

He grimaced at the truth of that statement. Oh yes, I have a great deal of experience torturing Muggles, spying for the Order of the Phoenix, and developing malignant potions while still finding time to grade essays and mold all my Slytherins into little Death Eaters... Not that it was bloody likely he would ever say that to her.

"Be in my classroom on Saturday, 8:00 at night," he told her. "Seeing as you mistook me for a student just now, I have taken it as a personal affront and assigned you a detention. I trust you will find it completely unfair and complain about it to all your friends." At that, he stared at her with a bland expression on his face.

[lily]

The wink was obvious, and something about the secrecy of meeting him later on caused her stomach to fill with butterflies, and her chest to pitter pat slightly faster than it had before. Lily had never been one for secrets, that’s just not the type of person she was. But, for once, she would force herself to be, because it was for a good cause. She wanted to sweep Professor Abaris into her arms and thank him for everything; because, for the first time in her life, she felt as if there was hope. To be honest, Lily had been frightened a long while over what her future would hold. All she had was magic to defend herself; but, there was only so much that reading and the generalized lessons at this school could do for a girl. She had to learn more and fill her arsenal with things that could be useful to her life one day. Now, as he stood before her, Professor Abaris was giving her the chance to make everything different.

So overcome by emotion, Lily did give him that hug. She lurched forward and wrapped her arms about him so tightly that she swore she could have broken him in half. He never touched her back, and she never expected him to. She pressed her face into his hair and whispered a desperate ”Thank you, thank you,” before tearing herself away. She didn’t want to waste any more of his time at that point, and quickly scampered away, waving at him madly. She didn’t know what she would do for the rest of the night, perhaps bothering first years seemed like a good idea; but, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to get a wink of sleep, not until her excitement was sated by the first private lesson she was to receive from her new Defense teacher.

She wasn’t sure if she could get anyone else to join her – she also didn’t care. In her own selfish way, Lily wanted him all to herself, because she knew that she could use the information he would provide her with more expertise and appreciation than anyone else ever could.

((Sorry for the suck. I hate ending threads sometimes. XD regardless, I'll make another thread for us that you can reply to whenever, 'cause we don't have to rush. We have like a gazillion RPs of our own.))