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Post by draco abraxas malfoy on Jul 21, 2011 2:24:01 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,background-image:url(http://images.wikia.com/hogwartsrpg/images/3/33/Old_parchment.jpg); width: 345px; height: 265px; border:3px solid black; moz-radius: 1em 4em; border-radius: 1em 4em; opacity: 0.9;] new time; new diary Diary (and no, no matter how many times you try to convince me, I am not about to put the word dear before that word. I am not eleven years old anymore, thank merlin),
It's a relief to be able to write once more. Taking time out of my budy schedule in order to sit down and take note of my thoughts and feelings is not a hard task. Writing down your feelings in a book means that they are less likely to affect you in real life, my tutors always told me as a child. And feelings are weakness to a Malfoy. But if that is true then I believe that I will have to write here more than occasionally now. Feelings are starting to overwhelme me, and it is not a pleasent experience.
Let me digress and get my thoughts in order. A ramble this may will turn out to be, but I must at least attempt to make these writings into some sort of sense. If the spells binding this are broken (again), then I can not afford to lose what little face I have managed to build in my time in this era. It has not exactly been easy. Considering the fact that my manners and appearence do not allow for me to use anything other than my first and last name, most people have treated me with suspicion.
Or, as proved by an earlier incident, by outright hatred and loathing.
It started with Potter. Of course it started with Potter, everything started with Potter, everything always starts with the wonderful old Saint Potter and his stupid, idiotic golden beliefs. A small spat occured which eventually ended up in an encounter with the meek little Abbott girl instead. One who appears to have grown balls but lost her brain, darling diary, due to the fact that she foolishly stood up to Bella. I honestly believe that the death of Diggory has addled her brains more than a little bit and she just wants Bella to finish that job.
But back to Potter. It does make me rather sick to the bone, but then he goes and accuses me having been the one to initiate the rivalry which has grown between us since first year, after insulting my family once more. That is not accepted - mainly due to the fact that it was not me. I did not start this between us (for if I had, dear diary, I would have held my head up high and calmly stated it, of course). He denied my offer of friendship. If you are not friends, if you constantly humiliate someone who you refused to be friends with, what else are you other than enemies?
He tried to look good in front of his filthy mudblood mother (though, admittedly, I did not recognise her at first, or even care to), that was all. Only then it escalated and a member of my own house turned on me. Something Hunter (who is, apparantly, blind, a fact I had not noticed, as she had been no concern of mine before her tongue decided to lash out at me, and not in any pleasent way either). Diane? Diana? I have no idea, and truely, I don't much care. Or...I didn't. The girl sparks some ounce of curiousity in me, I will freely admit it. Unlike the weedy little Abbott, her balls have not replaced her brains.
I must get balls off my mind. It is most inproper and rather embarrassing to refer to that analogy in my own personal writings.
Cissa comforted me, however, after the blows exchanged with Potter and Hunter (Cissa and her cats, actually, of which there seem to be more every time I look and if I am unable to remove the strands of hair from my silk trousers, I will skin one of them so it doesn't happen again). Cissa. Narcissa.. I could not resist approaching her, and I am more than glad that I did. Admittedly, Lucius (the young Lucius) has not appeared to have taken such a liking to me, but that surely shows signs of him and her. If his eyes everytime she snuggles (such a plebian word, do forgive me) up to me mean anything at all, at least. I can deal with that, of course. I am just not honestly sure about the rest of it.
I know that altercations are part of everyday life, especially between my noble house and that of the Gryffindorks, but to be honest, dear diary (bugger, but I am not going to cross that out - it looks rather untidy), I find it more than enough to deal with. Apart from Cissa, I don't like it here. I miss being on top and in control. I miss my friends. And my mother, my mother whom the fear had only just started to vanish, before now returning full strength.
Father is here. Father and godfather, taking the names of Professor Cadmus and...someone else. I don't actually know about Severus...it will have to be researched. The sightof them both sent me into something resembling shock, and I am still in that. Which is the reason why any threads of sense have been removed from this and it is now just a jumble of thoughts and feelings. I wish the real feelings could be removed from me and stored in these pages. That would be most helpful.
Severus did not look at me, but father...Not that I can ever really understand his gaze, but the warning there was evident. It made me bade a rapid farewell to the others in there before fleeing the scene. Fleeing to this spot, tucked away in a corner and pulling this book out. I believe we have a discussion coming up...as to why he is here. And why he was so irritated by a sweet little kitten (an event which even I took humour from).
And as to mother. The two men who could protect her...are here. So she might really be...
I can't continue with this. That is a fools errand. These stupid tears need to be washed from my eyes before I step back out into the public.
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[/blockquote] Draco Malfoy [/center][/td][/tr][/table][/center] |
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Post by draco abraxas malfoy on Jul 27, 2011 13:10:05 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,background-image:url(http://images.wikia.com/hogwartsrpg/images/3/33/Old_parchment.jpg); width: 345px; height: 265px; border:3px solid black; moz-radius: 1em 4em; border-radius: 1em 4em; opacity: 0.9;] after the ball Diary (no dear! Hah!),
Or perhaps I should take to calling you a journal. But I highly doubt that these ramblings will be exposed to anyone else (but if they are and if you are reading this without my explicit permission, you can no expect something very unpleasent to happen to you), and besides 'diary' is a nicer sounding word to me. More fluid. Warmer, perhaps. That could be a negative point though because a Malfoy is never warm...Though, I've not been sticking by that regulation as much lately. People are starting to prove themselves that they do not deserve the harsh words I dish out to everyone else.
Take Diana Hunter. The girl who openly mocked my family and sided with Potter over me (for which I have no forgiven her, and most likely never in fact will), but now she has proven that she can be sometimes deserving of my gracious words. I can be warm-hearted, despite common opinion, when I wish to be (as I have never had evidence to say that warm-heartedness is anything but completely under my control). Her opinions are highly intelligent, in fact, and during our first meeting after the ball (which for me went very well, the girl is not a bad dancer at all and despite various commotions being echoed in the corners, I was actually too busy having fun to pay attention. The rumours are very entertaining though) we had the most interesting discussion. She is also pretty, and as you well know, pretty things catch my attention. We made a charming pair at the ball if I do say so myself.
If I was not busy reading up on possible time alteration spells which could have been cast I would look into the ideas we voiced a bit more. It was my idea initially, of course, but more of something vague...is there a way for the magic to be taken back out of mudbloods and returned to the pure families in which squibs are starting to appear? I am making a note of that now as something to come back to (as I actually read over these things again during deeply boring moments when there are no fools around to entertain me).
On the 'Cadmus' front, no news. On my part, I believe, because although the man has not openly sought me out I have certainly not taken any trouble in doing the same. If anything I have been employing all of my tactics to avoid him until the panic has subsided at least a little bit. I do not wish to make a fool of myself and gain that look from him again.
But I doubt I can actually resist much longer. Not getting what I want immediently is a great weakness of mine (one which has never caused any trouble before now, irritatingly), and I want...No. I need to know about Mother. Perhaps that would stop the nightmares (which I should point out were another thing that Diana and myself talked over - she appears to suffer from vivid ones as well but it's highly unlikely hers are memories gained over a few short weeks. She did mention a snake being beheaded though, so I hope it's a reading of some sort). And...well. I just need to know if there is actually any point trying to work out how to get back. If mother is dead, there isn't.
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[/blockquote] Draco Malfoy [/center][/td][/tr][/table][/center] |
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