the shame lies with us --* prof. abaris

[severussnape]

19 July 2011

I'm not a person generally prone to keeping journals, but it may be useful in the long run. Seeing as there is little information on what brought me here to the past, I ought to compile what I do know, and go from there.

I was tasked with supervising the joint common room this afternoon. Honestly, I can't remember ever wanting to set foot in that place when I went to Hogwarts, and now I see why. If teenage drama irritated me when I was a teenager, it's nothing compared to how I feel now. Just being in the same room with a handful of them gave me a headache, much less being forced to deal with them.

Lily sought my company the moment I arrived, which was both annoying and endearing. Bellatrix Black began acting in a highly inappropriate manner with Rodolphus, which distracted me from the conversation somewhat. She was being beyond disrespectful; really, I should have taken points, but I suppose old habits kept me from crippling the Slytherins further than they already are. I was forced to use her sister against her, threatening detention. A dangerous move, if someone wonders how I knew of their relation, but the Black family is well-known enough that there shouldn't be a problem. That aside, I never liked Bella. I hope she rots in Lucius' detentions.

Speaking of Lucius, the urgency of my knowledge-gathering largely came from him. He came in a few moments before I did since he apparently found a kitten amongst his things. After some inane chatter, being introduced to Harry Potter (like I could forget), and meeting "Phineas Cadmus" as Lucius is calling himself these days, the two of us settled in a corner to speak candidly. Our conversation was mostly a confirmation of fears the both of us already had. Our situation is currently irrevocable, we don't know anything about how we got here, and the both of us are going to have a difficult time "letting the past be past", as it were.

He left shortly thereafter, at which time I descended into boredom. I ought to go buy some books soon, really. The students spoke of unimportant things, and a discussion arose regarding dissolving the Houses at Hogwarts. Like that was ever going to happen.

Harper Marowski entered and petitioned her schoolmates for firewhiskey, a request that I shot down immediately. A number of the students argued against me, an occurrence that I am not used to. I continue to forget that I have no reputation here... scaring the students into obedience isn't quite as easy as it usually is.

Lily approached me yet again to apologize for her classmate's behavior, and we ended up in a rather... personal discussion regarding right and wrong. I don't generally speak of my past misdeeds with anyone but Albus, but both Lily and I seemed to be indirectly referring to specific events. The conversation was vague enough that neither of us felt in danger of admitting too much, but, once it came to a close, the mood was instantly uncomfortable. Though I would have liked to have spoken with her longer, it was almost curfew, and she looked a bit rattled. If I'm going to be honest, I wasn't in the best of shape either. I reminded Lily of her "detention" on Saturday, and I bid a hasty retreat.

[severussnape]

25 June 2011

Why in the world does this school even have a Masquerade Ball?

Every adolescent "dance" that I've ever been to, as a youth or as an adult, have been one large disaster from start to finish. This one was no exception.

In the first place, I despise supervising children. A classroom is an entirely different atmosphere than a dance. When students are given free-time, they invariably use it for frivolous, self-destructive pursuits. That dance was the last place I wanted to be. Especially since it was in a tent. A tent. Honestly.

A fight broke out between none other than Lily and... myself. I was rather distracted by the spiking of the punch bowl, but I did see my younger self looking so incredibly stricken that the scene gave me pause. He walked straight out of the tent, pushing through a small crowd in an effort to get away. Lily attempted to follow him, looking absolutely furious, but I could tell that was not a good idea. I stopped her and dispersed the crowd.

Miss Abbott, who was my younger counterpart's date (though why I have no idea), seemed to be rather distraught as well, but some other girls were comforting her, so I judged Lily to be the more pressing issue.

She was extremely upset, and I offered her a handkerchief and sat her down in a quiet corner of the tent. At first, she seemed to be full of accusations towards my younger self, but after a few minutes she calmed and began to think more rationally. I found out that she had mentioned my father during the fight, which explained why he had looked so pale and frightened before he'd left. To tell the truth, I was horrified, but what could I say? For one thing, she likely has no idea how horrible that was. For another, that is something that I wouldn't know, as Professor Abaris. So, I settled for being vague, but encouraging her to make amends. Though she was convinced to never speak to my younger self again, I convinced her to stay calm and at least give him a chance.

I have no idea how that conversation went after she left me, but I do hope that she followed my advice. The rest of the "dance" was fairly uneventful, though highly irritating. I despise teenagers.