Maybe death would suffice... (((OPEN)))

[elvishbanana]

”Yeah. Yeah, they were. My mum, dad and brother. My brother was just a baby. Some disease took them all out. My parents died first, and when my brother and I got sent to the orpha-…. Ireland, he died soon after, from the same disease. The doctors didn’t know how I survived it, and not caught it.”

Her first reaction, one she was almost ashamed of, was relief. She’d taken a leap of faith, and it had paid off. Ryan hadn’t laughed at her, or pitied her, or treated her like she was weak. Jo could have kissed him for that. In that split second after she realized he was going to take her seriously, she nearly cried with relief. Her faith in him settled into place, an unbreakable conviction that she could trust him. Jo looked at him with a new perspective.

Ryan looked down. Jo saw the pain etched across his face, recognizing it as the same kind that filled her own heart. There was a toughness to him, a hardness- like he’d spent many years not letting anyone see his grief. The wild nonchalance she’d noticed earlier struck her again. The wild nature seemed even less controlled than her own. Jo threw herself into risky places often because of her wildness often, and knew Ryan probably did the same. Pity welled up inside of her. She didn’t dare let him see it, of course. He didn’t seem the sort who would let anyone pity him. It reminded her slightly of herself- the way she couldn’t stand to let anyone see her vulnerability. ”I’m sorry,” she said quietly. ”I… I’m an only child. I couldn’t imagine…” Jo looked away. She had already gone this far. Would telling him a little more hurt her?

”My mother died of a disease, too. Alzheimer’s- she never had a chance,” she said bitterly. ”Only a few people get it that early. It makes me so mad, to think that my mother had to be one of the few. And when I found out about all the magic…” Jo shook her head, her anger over her mother’s death resurfacing. ”I keep thinking- if she’d told us, if she’d owned up about being a witch, could things have been different? Could she have gone to St. Mungo’s and gotten cured? I’ll never know. And I hate that.”
She turned to him. ”I… I haven’t told anyone about this in… a long time. The only other person here at Hogwarts who even knows my mum is dead is my best mate, Kingsley. It’s just- it’s hard to tell people this, you know? I keep thinking if I tell, then they’re going to treat me like some little kid. Like I’m unbalanced.” She shivered. ”I miss her a lot, and it hurts like no one else would believe, but I can cope, you know?”

[ryanharris]

Ryan looked up at her before looking back down again. Her face looked happy but sad. Ryan didn't know what to think about that, and frowned at Gus, before petting his head again. He didn't know what to think, and it was killing him inside. Jo was the only one that he had ever told, and he had never spoke about it to anyone, not even to himself, so he had never recovered from it.

But now, he was feeling the full force of it as it plowed through him and sent him into a state of emotional distress. He looked at his hand and noticed that it was shaking, so he put Gus on the floor and sat on both of his hands. He didn't want Jo to notice how bad off he was right now.

"You are the only one that knows. I have never told anyone." He said, not looking up. "I don't ever talk about it, not to myself, not to teachers, to no one."

He frowned. "No, I don't cope with it. I just don't think about it, and sometimes I completely forget it altogether. But it doesn't bother me as much as it used to, so I can deal with it."

He got up and started pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace, all the while trying to calm himself down so his body would stop shaking.

He stopped pacing and looked at her, still shaking.

"You are pretty much the only person I've ever talked to in this castle, granted a couple others. So, where do we go from here?" He asked, nervous to hear the answer.

[elvishbanana]

It didn’t escape Jo that his hands were shaking. Placing Gus on the floor, he sat on top of them. Jo’s heart went out to him, but she didn’t dare comment. If anyone had tried to express pity toward her for her grief, she knew she would probably just set their hair on fire and run away.

”You are the only one that knows. I have never told anyone. I don’t ever talk about it, not to myself, not to teachers, to no one.”

His voice was low. Ryan avoided looking at her, and she could only sit silently and listen. She still hadn’t told him everything. She hadn’t told him about the last meeting with her mother, or the magic she’d shared with Jo. But that was something she was not ready to divulge just yet.

”No, I don’t cope with it. I just don’t think about it, and sometimes I completely forget it altogether. But it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to, so I can deal with it.”

Ryan rose swiftly and began pacing. His whole body shook with emotion. Jo laid the sunflower down next to her. The contrast of yellow on blue was striking, a pretty combination. She looked down at her own hands, half expecting to find them shaking herself. They were still, smudged with ink and charcoal. On her left pinkie there was a tiny scar from where she’d cut herself with a trowel when she was four. Jo remembered being taken into the house and given a warm cookie while her mother put a Band-Aid over the cut. On her right wrist there was another scar, this one from a wizard duel that had gone south when her opponent made the mistake of talking about her mother. All over her body, there were scrapes, the more permanent ones tracing back in some way or other to her mother. Maybe I’m not as used to it as I thought, she wondered. Ryan stopped his pacing abruptly, looking back at her.

”You are pretty much the only person I’ve ever talked to in this castle, granted a couple others. So, where do we go from here?”

He looked lost, nervous. His hands shook. Ryan’s hazel eyes bored into her own, his stare intense and full of a wild fear. Jo did the only thing that popped into her head.

She stood up and took his hand, holding it still. ”Wherever we want,” she said quietly. Standing on tiptoe to reach, Jo kissed him on the cheek.

[ryanharris]

Ryan watched as she stood up, took hold of his hand, and replied with one simple statement and a kiss. As bad as it seemed, Ryan had never kissed a girl before, mainly because of his tendency to become loner. He could've fainted. As soon as her lips touched cheek, he stopped shaking and turned a little red. He smiled down at her as she returned to her usual heighth.

"Well, if that's the case, then what do we want?" He said, putting plenty of emphasis on the 'we'.

He walked away towards the other side of the room and found a couch, and gestured to her to sit with him. He looked at her, pleading with his eyes for her to come over to him. He had never in his life felt this way about a girl, literally never. She had him around her finger, which, like it or not, wasn't a good thing. She could pretty much take advantage of him any way she wanted now, and he would be defenseless against her, having let his guard down. Gus the cat walked up to the couch and jumped up, where Ryan grabbed him and put him on his lap. He smiled at Jo.

OOC* Sorry for the short post, not much muse and being rushed to go somewhere -.-

[elvishbanana]

Ryan looked so terrified she almost laughed. He looks so freaked out- can he never have had a girl kiss him before? I could have sworn he had, she thought. I had him pegged as a horrible flirt right from the start- could I have been wrong? The boy’s face burned, but his hands didn’t shake anymore. Jo was glad. Knowing she could help him made her feel like there was a possibility of being helped herself- like there was a chance that one day, her nightmares would disappear forever. Ryan grinned at her as she withdrew, face still red, his smile bashful.

”Well, if that’s the case, then what do we want?”

Ryan walked across the room again and sat down on a couch, patting the seat next to him. The look in his eyes begged her to sit with him, and Jo knew. She thought he was good-looking, seemed nice enough- possibly a romantic interest in the future. But when she’d kissed him, she hadn’t meant it romantically. At least, not completely. It had just felt like the right thing to do, the most reassuring gesture she could think of. But the hope in his face told her that he’d lied almost from the start.

He had asked about her.

Jo strode over to the couch and plopped down again next to him, leaning back and smiling. ”Well,” she said thoughtfully. ”Maybe we could start with you helping me on my Potions essay, and I’ll help you find your drum set, and then maybe a walk. And we’ll see where we go from there. What do you think?”

Jo liked the boy, liked him even though he was a transfer. He was nice- and he understood grief better than anyone she’d ever met before. She wasn’t one for long-term relationships, but Ryan was beginning to make her reconsider. She laced her fingers together and put them behind her head, smiling as Gus stretched out over them both. ”So be honest- did you ask about me?” she questioned playfully, a bright smile lighting up her tanned face.

[ryanharris]

Ryan smiled, wondering how she knew he was good at Potions.
He looked over at the fireplace, and pulled out his wand.
He flicked it around aimlessly in the attempt to shoot blue sparks flying out of it, which eventually happened after enough random flicking.
They landed on his pants leg, and before he could furiously brush them off one burned a small hole in the material.
He looked at it for a minute, then put his wand up.

"So, what did you need help on? And if I help you, you have to promise that you will help me learn Accio!" He laughed, and ran his fingers through his hair.

He was really starting to enjoy Jo's company.
He had never had a girlfriend, never in his life, and it wasn't from lack of trying.
He had tried, just a few times, but he had tried.
He had always been the weirder type, even at a school of wizards and witches. He stroked the cat, and looked at the staircase running up to the dormitory.
He smiled, happy that he had made friends in a couple weeks, and could no longer be called a loner.
He was proud of how far he had come.

He looked back at her when she asked her next question, and frowned.
Yes, of course he had asked about her, but did he want her to know that?
He had planned on telling her about the time travelling thing, and he had told her about his family, so what would this hurt?

"Yes, yes I did. I admit it. I was interested, I had to at least know your name. How he knew your name was Clem- Sorry, anyways, how he knew that was your name evades me, as you obviously don't tell anyone that."

[elvishbanana]

Ryan set his trousers on fire, and Jo burst out laughing. Blue sparks shot out of the tip of his wand, scorching holes in the denim. ”Oh, just come here,” she said, giggling. ”Let me fix that.”
Tapping the hole in his jeans lightly with the tip of her wand, Jo cleared her throat. ”Reparo,” she said firmly. The threads at the edges of the slit wove together again, creating a new patch. Jo put her wand away again, pleased with herself.

”So what did you need help on? And if I help you, you have to promise that you will help me learn Accio!”

Ryan chuckled and ran his fingers through his shaggy blond hair. Jo nodded. ”It’s a deal. I’ll help you with Accio first- I really hate this essay. It’s ‘The Uses of Moonstone in Potion-Making’, and I can’t think of a single potion that uses it.” She wrinkled her nose, displaying what she thought of the essay. It wasn’t that she disliked Potions- in fact, Jo enjoyed the subject thoroughly. However, magical theory had never come easily to her. She was a do-er, someone who enjoyed mixing Potions more than studying them, casting spells more than researching their origins, and running around more than sitting in the library. Jo pointed to the sunflower she’d left on the other couch. ”Try to summon that- you have to form a really clear picture of it. Close your eyes if you want- that always helps me focus. Just think really hard about it, and when you’ve got a picture of it in your head, then say Accio, and it ought to come to you. Try it.”

When she asked about how he knew who she was, he seemed a little embarrassed.

”Yes, yes I did. I admit it. I was interested, I had to at least know your name. How he knew your name was Clem- Sorry, anyways, how he knew that was your name evades me, as you obviously don’t tell anyone that.”

Jo beamed at him, thinking I knew it! I knew he’d asked about me! ”That’s sweet,” she said. ”I’m afraid I haven’t been as attentive- but in my own defense, I’ve been a bit swamped lately. Still. I’m glad I talked to you, anyway.”

She waved a hand about her name. She knew Ryan didn’t really mean to call her Clem- it was just a tricky thing, to avoid using her name while talking about it.

”Oh, the teachers call roll first thing every year, and they always use my first name. People just learn it from that, I guess. And you don’t have to worry- so long as you don’t, you know, call me that instead of Jo, you’re fine.”