memories (REGULUS)

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia Jenelle Jammison had snuck out late as always. She made her way through the castle as quietly as she could, not stirring anything as she made her way up to the seventh floor. Her long brown hair was let loose upon her shoulders in curls, she was wearing blue jeans and a black hooded sweatshirt. She had her wand in her pocket at the ready for whatever could possibly be out to get her. It was about one in the morning and she couldn't sleep down in the dungeons. She had too much on her mind and she needed to be completely alone.

She entered one of the empty Arts classrooms and made her way over to the window. She sat on top of the sill and looked out onto the empty grounds. The moon shined high over head, full and bright, showering the grounds in a glow so that she was able to see everything. The whomping willow was busy hitting something, the lake was nice and serene, and she sighed lightly watching it all. She pulled her knees up to her chest as she sat there in wonder. She pulled the hood of her jacket up over her hair and rested her head on her knees.

There she began to think of the recent events that began to erupt around her. Elijah and her were not on good terms at all. He was attempting to get in the way of the one thing that made her completely happy, and she was not going to have it. He was pushing her to her limit and for once she felt completely alone and isolated completely from her family. Eli was always the one that she could count on to always be there...she was beginning to think that that was false as well. Tears burned at the back of her eyes at the thought of it...she really was alone. Sirius was the only one that seemed to have her back on her family matters.

Then Regulus flew into her mind and the tears fell at the thought of the night at Hogsmeade. She still could feel the scar from where he pushed her into the door. She winced at even thinking about how angry he was. Her breath caught in her throat when she heard the door to the room she was in open. She heard footsteps begin to come near her and she cleared herself up quickly but didn't bother to turn to look to see who it was. She figured it was some prefect out to get students. Well, there she was on the window sill as caught as ever.

[equivocate]

It had been a long night for Regulus, he'd been doing his best to go to sleep for a while but with no luck. He had so much on his mind like usual, that he just couldn't fall asleep. He had done everything he could think of to tire himself out, including reading his boring history book which usually put him to sleep fast. But no, nothing was working tonight. Getting up he changed out of his pajamas and into jeans and a black t-shirt, throwing on a jacket over it.

He was trying to tire himself out, he needed to get up and walk around. There was only so much time he could spend in that common room without getting annoyed at everyone. There were sometimes where he would just like to sit alone by the fire and not have some fellow Slytherin coming up and talking to him about this, that, and that other thing. Especially late at night when things should just be silent and peaceful. It was the perfect time at night to just sit and think about things.

As he walked around the castle he thought about everything that had gone on lately. He had calmed down a little bit since the whole Hogsmeade event, which was definitely a good thing. He didn't think he could do anymore drinking after that night. Well, maybe not a lot of drinking anyways. At least he wasn't as angry as he was before, the short fuse was gone and now he was just calm and calculating, waiting for the right time to get his revenge. He wasn't even that mad anymore, he still loved Emmelia, but if she was going to ruin what they had and be as low as she had been, than fine, let Sirius have his sloppy seconds and good riddance.

As Regulus walked up a flight of stairs he stopped quickly as he thought he heard one of the teachers heading his way. Looking around for an empty classroom to hide into, he opened whatever door was close to him and went inside, shutting the door quickly. He let out a sigh of relief, that had been close. Glancing around to see just where he was, he then noticed just who was in there. How could he not recognize her from all their little rendezvous'. Just his luck, really, this was just perfect. He was just about to open the door and walk out, but then he remembered the teacher or prefect walking around out there. "Great... perfect.." he muttered, he leaned against the wall, unsure what he should do.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia had thought after thought running through her mind. Eli to Regulus to her father to Sirius to Alex. She was about to explode, it was too much for her to deal with. She needed to just vent and let everything she had pent up go. Elijah hurt her, no matter how much he would deny it, he said that she was nothing to him. They were twins how was she nothing to him! The words rang through her mind, "Your opinion matters as much as a house elf." So that's what she was to him now...the words repeated themselves over and over again into her mind. Each syllable a stab in her heart and she sulked deeper.

Hearing the voice made her freeze, her blood iced over, her heart stopped beating for a moment. Her fight or flight sense was on high and it was telling her to get the hell out of there now. "Leave me alone, Regulus." She told him flatly not even bothering to look at him. The back of her head throbbed a little, reminding her of how he snapped and actually hurt her. After what she had told him about her father she thought he never would stoop that low...turns out she was wrong. She was wrong about everything and she couldn't help but shed a tear about the events of that night.

She didn't hear him move but she wasn't about to say anything else. Then again she didn't want to stay in there with him. She would gladly take detentions for staying out past curfew and sneaking around than stay in the room with him. All it would do would leave to more fighting, more drama, more hurt in her life. She knew better than to stay in there with him, especially after the events of their last meeting. She stood up frowning still, tears in her eyes still and moved to the door. There was no need to say anything. If he wasn't going to leave she would.

[equivocate]

Regulus still couldn't believe he had snapped like that and thrown her into the door. But she had just ruined everything he had in life, and to make matters worse it was with his brother, the one person he hated most of all. If it had been anybody else he would just be angry and maybe he'd be able to forgive her. But since it was his brother, he couldn't forgive her. It hurt him more than anything she had done, she knew how he felt about his brother, surely she would know just how much it would hurt him. But he was doing his best to get over her, never had he had this issue about a girl. Most of the time he didn't even get too attached to a girl and just had his fun and then it was all done on his own terms. He had made the biggest mistake in falling in love with her, his best friend, and now he would pay for it.

As she got up to leave, he somewhat felt bad. He wasn't in the mood to be rude to her and pick a fight. All he wanted to do was just relax and clear his mind so he could get to sleep. He would be leaving as soon as he possibly could. After all staying here would just bring more drama and keep him up even longer. "Hey don't worry. I'm leaving once that prefect or whoever leaves. You stay here, you were here first." He said quietly, he just didn't feel like fighting with her right now. It hurt him more than anything, he couldn't help but think about how they used to be. Especially when they used to sneak around at night and meet up, it just felt weird to not be close to her, not to be kissing her.

Should he apologize for what he had done? Part of him felt like it would ease the tension but at the same time his pride was telling him he really had no reason to apologize. After all wasn't he going to leave soon? Wasn't that pretty decent of him? In fact he was being pretty civil right now, he had yet to say anything rude to her and he was allowing her to stay while he risked getting caught by a teacher and whoever else was out there.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia couldn't even look at him. She didn't want to fight, she was sick and tired of fighting, of attempting to fix things that simply couldn't be fixed. She was done with trying. It seemed like everything she was involved in was going nowhere. Her family matters were getting worse, the whole situation with Regulus erupted to where he physically brought harm to her, and she was just wore out from it all. It had to end somewhere, and she would be damned if she was about to get another fight.

"No, I'll take the detention I don't care. You can stay here, I'm just not going to sit here and fight with you anymore..." She missed him more than anything. He really was her best friend. His words hurt her and then when he shoved her into the door...that's what ended it all for her. Yet she still couldn't hate him for what he did. It was weird not sneaking out at night with him, feeling his touch, his kiss. That's not even what she missed though...she missed being able to just talk to him. The tears began to fall a little but she shook her head. She had to be strong now. It was time to just finish it all.

"I'm sorry, Reg. I know you won't accept it, I know you hate me and you hate your brother now. But don't take it out on him...it's my fault, alright." She whispered to him. There was no need to fight, it was done with. Emmelia reached for the door handle to walk out and face the Prefect or the Teacher on patrol. She was willing to get a detention it didn't bother her. Detention was where she used to live for the first part of the year, then she started to dim out of the trouble game. It was time to get her ass back in detention, and out of this impending fight that could happen.

[equivocate]

Lately he'd just been trying to avoid anyone that was associated with either Emmelia or Sirius, he didn't want to hear their names and he certainly didn't want to hear about what either one was up to. If it was happy news he most definitely didn't want to hear anything. But if it was something terrible, well maybe he would be interested. But for the most part he would rather not be anywhere near the two of them or their little buddies. As far as he was concerned their friends were definitely on the list of people he deeply disliked, unless he had a good reason for liking them.

"I'm not looking for a fight, that's the last thing I want right now," he said with a sigh, he really just wanted to sit in peace and quiet and not think about any of this. Especially about her, he just wanted to find some way to get all his thoughts about her out of his head. He missed everything about what they had. It had been weird not to have somebody to talk to, he had been trying to cope with this whole issue by himself mainly. Not many people had been too helpful, especially his own family. But she had hurt him with what she had said, he never thought that they wouldn't talk to each other, that whatever they had together would be over. It was weird and he definitely didn't like it. But there was nothing he could do about it, she had chosen Sirius and all he could do was just wish that Sirius would meet some tragic end very very soon and hopefully he'd be the one to do it.

"Why shouldn't I take it out on him? He's the one that ruined what we had together. If it hadn't been for him, wouldn't we still be together?" He asked bitterly, just the thought of his brother made him angry but he tried to not think about Sirius right now otherwise he would definitely start an argument with her. "Don't go... Emmelia, I'm really sorry for what happened the other night," he said quickly, it felt good to get that out there, even though he partially didn't regret what he had done. After all she had said quite a few hurtful things and really pushed him to the edge until finally he had snapped. Never in his life had he ever thought about hurting her, especially after what she had told him about her father.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia had just wanted to sit in the room alone. She had to clear her head and be able to try and straighten things out. There was too much going on and she needed to clear her mind. Her mind was so heavy from Eli and Regulus that she couldn't think straight anymore. It was showing in her grades that was for sure, it was showing in her work around the castle, luckily it wasn't showing at Quidditch. That was the one place where she could play her heart out and feel great about what she was doing. It cleared her mind for the time being and allowed her to be at peace with herself.

Well, that made the both of them. She was glad that they were sick and tired of fighting with each other, but that didn't mean she wanted to talk to him either. Being in the same room as him was bad enough. Their fight from Hogsmeade still rang in her ears, she said a lot of hurtful things to him, but that gave him no reason to do what he had done. She poured her heart out to him about her father and then he went and hurt her. It was a disaster. Everything had just blew up in her face and before she could react he had her against the door. The memory flashed before her eyes almost instantly.

"I chose him, Regulus. I was the one that couldn't break it off with you when I should've because I didn't want to lose either of you. I was the one that chose Sirius, the one that should be to blame for all this...not him. I don't think you understand, Reg. I have always loved him and I always will...but I'll always care for you, regardless of what you do." Emmelia told him. "So don't go taking it out on him when it was all my fault." She stopped at the handle, it wrapped in her hand when he told her not to go. She swallowed hard and winced a little at his apology...the back of her head had a scar from hitting the door so hard. She knew the exact spot of it too. Emmelia looked over at him and said, "It's alright." Just looking at him was bringing her to tears as she added, "I'm sorry too."

[equivocate]

He had been doing his best to just focus on homework, there was so much on his mind lately that he just needed something to do where he could just tune out for a bit. There was only so much he could handle with all these thoughts about Emmelia and Sirius, plus now he had to think about the Death Eaters, he still couldn't believe that he had joined. It was a bit hard to believe, but hopefully this would turn out to be a good thing. Hopefully this wouldn't turn out to be something he really regretted. At least he had the support of most of his fellow Slytherins and the help of Rodolphus, which definitely meant a lot to him.

He couldn't believe what had happened in Hogsmeade, he hadn't really remembered a lot of it after Sirius had gotten involved. But after reflecting on everything that happened, he managed to put everything together. He had definitely remembered the part where he had slammed her into the wall, he had felt terrible as soon as it happened. It felt so odd to him that they could be friends, lovers, whatever one moment and then fighting and getting physical the next. Never had he ever wanted that to happen, but it was too late now. He wished he could change what he had done but sadly there was no way to change the past.

It didn't matter that she had chosen Sirius, Sirius was still to blame he didn't care what she said. "So you never loved me? Is that it?" He asked, looking down at the ground, he did his best to keep calm although it was really hard to hear that she had always loved Sirius. He could care less if she cared about him, it really didn't matter to him anymore now that he was doing his best avoid her at all costs. "I don't care if you're to blame or not, I'll still hate him even more than I did before," he muttered, he doubted that there would be anything that would ever bring him close to his brother ever again. Regulus wanted nothing to do with his brother, just the idea of him being his brother made him angry, he couldn't believe he was related to somebody that low. Seeing her cry made him feel even worse, he wanted to hug her and comfort her, but he knew he couldn't. If he did it would just bring back all those feelings he was trying to get rid of.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia wished things could be easy, but she knew that for a long time it would only get harder. She glanced over at Regulus and just wished she could run into his arms. He used to always be there when she had problems, but now it seemed that he was one of her problems. It pained her to hear his question but she had to give an honest answer. "I did love you, but as the secret kept going on I fell out. I felt that it was going nowhere, and I needed someone that would be there for me. Someone who wasn't afraid of being tied down, who didn't care what everyone would think...I'm sorry, I really am..." She was dying on the inside. She hated doing this.

Emmelia knew that she made the brothers issue with each other worse. "I know you will." She told him and bit her bottom lip. She could still hear the footsteps pacing back and forth outside. She sat on an empty desk top, as long as the conversation was calm she would be able to withstand it. This situation was so awkward, especially since they've been avoiding each other since the Hogsmeade run in. She couldn't believe the events that went down that night, and even though she knew she pushed him, it still hurt her how he lashed out in the way that he did.

She sat there and listened outside wishing that whoever was out there would hurry up and leave. It was silent between them and it became more and more awkward. Emmelia took in a deep breath and sighed lightly watching the door, her thumbs moving against each other anxiously. She needed to get out of here, she could barely even look at Regulus anymore. If only they didn't even start that relationship...perhaps they would be able to still be friends.

[equivocate]

It felt so awkward to not be holding her, to not be making the situation better. But like he had said in the library, she was now on her own. He wasn't going to try and comfort her when she had betrayed him and ruined their relationship. It was hard, but he was just going to have to deal with it as best as he could. He shook his head, looking at the ground, he couldn't stand to look at her. It hurt to much to look at her, it just reminded him of what they had together. "No... I'm sorry. I should've cared more about what we had together... maybe then all this wouldn't have happened..." He let out a sigh as he did his best to be strong about this, he didn't want to show her any sign of weakness especially after what she had said to him in Hogsmeade. But it was difficult as he felt himself fighting a tear, never had he thought a girl could ever get him to the point of crying? He never cried, or did anything close to it for anybody, not even when Sirius had been disowned he hadn't ever shed a tear over his brother. Wiping a tear away quickly, he took a deep breathe, he wasn't about to cry over somebody who obviously didn't care about him anymore.

He wished he had never come in here, it was definitely worth a detention to get away from all this awkwardness. He didn't know what to say or do to make this awkwardness go away. If only there was something, he needed anything to distract himself from this silence and the awkwardness that just kept on filling up the room. Taking a seat in an empty chair, he looked around as he hoped to keep his mind off of Emmelia and this whole messy situation.

Glancing over at her for a moment, he highly doubted their relationship would ever be the same. Hell, he couldn't even look at her right now. And if she was going to be with Sirius than there was no way he was going to try and make things better between them. Besides he was still deep down a little bit bitter about everything that had been said. He couldn't get over their fight in Hogsmeade, people spoke the truth when they were drinking, and if that's what she thought about him than he doubted they could ever be friends.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia knew things would have turned out differently if Regulus would've just made them official. It would've shown her how perfect he could be. That unfortunately wasn't the case. She still cared for Regulus, and she regretted most of the things that she said that day at Hogsmeade. It took a lot to get Emmelia over the edge angry, and that night he got her to that point. She exploded and wished that she could take it back. "I'm sorry about what I said at Hogsmeade, Regulus...I really didn't mean it, I was just so angry..." She was choking over her words, she held back the tears though, she couldn't cry anymore.

Yet when he apologized she couldn't hold them back anymore. Her heart practically shattered and she felt like she was stuck making another choice. Sirius was the right choice for her, she knew that she had made the right decision. But when Regulus actually apologized she completely lost it. Emmelia was almost hysterical but she had nothing to say back to his statement. She moved over to the window as far away from him as possible and stood there with her arms crossed looking outside.

Emmelia closed her eyes but the tears kept coming. How did they end up being like this? She wanted to be able to just talk to him the way that they used to, but she knew that it wasn't going to happen. She wondered if he was going to leave, but she didn't want him to go now. She didn't want to be alone...regardless of how awkward the room was. At least what little conversation they had was better than what it was previously. She took in a ragged breath and shook her head lightly. What was she doing?

[equivocate]

Listening to her apologize, he shook his head, it was nice that she was apologizing but at the same time he really didn't see why she was doing it. If that was what she thought than whatever, what was said was said and she had done the damage she had intended to do. "Don't apologize for that Em, if it's what you think than don't apologize," he said with a shrug, after all he wasn't about to apologize for whatever he had said that night. The only thing he regretted about that night was getting physical with her... and maybe not hexing his brother while he could.

Why couldn't they have worked out? He wished there was some way to get her back, but at the same time he knew it wasn't worth it. There was no way they could ever last now that he had joined the Death Eaters. It may have not been the best way to end everything this way but at the same time it was good that they weren't together. Now he could focus on his future, which was the most important thing right? It was going to be his main priority now that Emmelia wasn't anymore. He was doing his best to look at this situation in a positive way, which was very hard for him since he rarely was ever positive but so far it was somewhat helping him get over her.

He looked over at her, he wished he could do something to comfort her. It hurt him to see her crying, he wished he could say something that would make her feel better. But really, what was there to say anymore? He couldn't say anything about things between them getting better, he could never ever promise that they would be friends thanks to Sirius. Sitting there he let out a sigh, he muttered,"Why does this have to be so fucking hard?" This was so frustrating, how did they end up like this? Never could he imagine himself not having her in his life, and now that they were so apart it was almost unbearable for him.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

"But that's not what I really think, Regulus." Emmelia shook her head. She didn't know why she exploded and said the things that she said. She knew how to push Regulus over the edge and she wanted him to go through hell for what he was putting her through. She hated herself for pushing him as far as she had. She just wished that things weren't so awkward between them. That's what was so horrible about this whole situation was how awkward everything was now.

"I wish it wasn't." She whispered to his question hoping he wouldn't hear it. She wanted to run and hug him. To show him that she did still care, but at the same time she knew that would only make matters worse. She had to keep her distance and if that meant they couldn't talk then it had to be that way. She wished that they could stop being awkward already, she wished that things could have possibly been different. She missed Regulus so much and it killed her to not even be on speaking terms.

Emmelia heard the person outside the room leave, but she didn't move. She was expecting to hear Regulus get up to leave, and she actually waited for it. The tears were still pouring down her cheeks, and she just let them go. She needed to just get everything off her chest, it was killing her inside. She didn't want Regulus to go but at the same time she didn't want him to stay either. She was so conflicted of what to do, but she waited to see what he was going to do next.

[equivocate]

So then she just said that to him just to get him pissed off? That just made him more annoyed, he hated when people did that kind of thing just to get a rise out of somebody. At least he had been truthful, and he wasn't about to regret anything he had said. The only time he ever did anything like that was when he was trying to start a fight between somebody he could care less about and just wanted a fight for the fun of it. "So then what do you think, Emmelia? Because I'm not regretting anything I said that night," he asked somewhat coldly, though he was doing his best to keep himself from getting angry at her. Most of his anger was gone, but it had been substituted by frustration and so many questions.

Why couldn't things go back to the way they were? Why did this have to be so hard? Why did she have to be in love with his brother? Why hadn't he done the right thing in the first place and made their relationship public? So many questions, and all of them had hurtful answers. He was so stupid for getting himself into this situation. He should have never started dating her, it was doomed from the start. Friends dating friends was always something frowned upon for this exact reason. But no, he had done it and now he had lost his best friend. Even worse, he could have saved all of this but he hadn't been thinking about her, he had been too selfish and everything was ruined.

Looking over at the door, he wondered if he should just go. It would be so much easier to just go and get rid of all this awkwardness between them. At least they weren't fighting, that was a plus side. And they were being civil to one another, that was a big step. But aside from that he really couldn't see this getting any more positive, it could only go downhill from here. Getting up from his chair, he stood there awkwardly, torn between leaving and staying.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

"I think that the decision you made is right for you. Regardless of how I personally feel about it, I think that they have gained a great asset in recruiting you. It takes a strong person to go through what you have to with them, and I know you will do fine..." Emmelia didn't want him to join the Death Eaters. It broke her heart to see her push him into it head first. She knew he joined partially because he was pissed at her and needed an outlet. She bit her bottom lip and stared out the window, rain pattered against the pane as she looked. The weather seemed to portray how she was feeling right now, hurt, upset, and utterly lost.

She hated not being able to talk to Regulus. She needed some form of him in her life and ever since their fight she's been depressed. Around her friends she seemed normal, but when she was alone she couldn't stop thinking about everything. It pained her to see him through the halls, or in the common room and just completely ignore each other. It was tearing her apart and she couldn't take it anymore.

Emmelia could feel the tension as she heard him stand up, and just stand there by the door. She turned around to face him, her face practically begging him to stay. Yes, he did say she was on her own, but she needed him in some way. She couldn't live just cutting him out of her life completely. They've been through too much together to just completely drop each other out of their lives. She swallowed hard as she watched him, she wondered what he was going to do. She wouldn't blame him if he left, and didn't know what was going to happen if he stayed either. She looked between him and the door and just stood there with her arms crossed, watching.