lost in self pity [emmelia]

[equivocate]

Staying in the castle wasn't an option for Regulus, he needed an escape. He had been wallowing away in the dungeons, or walking the hallways like some sort of ghost lately. Something needed to be done, he'd tried getting his emotions out through every healthy...or at least somewhat way possible. So he was now trying to go the most unhealthy way he could think of. Therefore he had gone to the Three Broomsticks.

He had his head on the counter of the bar. His hand on a glass of fire whiskey. How many had he had? One... two... four? He had lost count. It had started off with some sort of beer, maybe an ale and had progressed on to the strongest thing he could think of. As the bartender told him that maybe he should stop drinking, Regulus slammed both hands on the counter and slowly pulling himself up. He glared at the bartender, how dare this guy tell him how to live his life. He already had how many people telling him what to do? No, all he wanted was this guy to just stand there and make sure there was something in the glass. He didn't care what it was, as long as it was something strong he was good. "Just keep it coming, buddy," he growled at the bartender and downed the last of the glass. He did his best not to cough as he felt that horrible burning sensation in the back of his throat, he could never get used to this stuff.

It had been how long since his fight with Emmelia, how long since he had agreed to join the Death Eaters mainly out of spite for that girl? A week... no it had been longer than that. Two weeks, yes, he had managed to stay strong for that first week. Keeping himself busy by hexing first years and threatening just about anybody who said anything to upset him. He hated this feeling, he couldn't stand feeling empty as if there was something missing inside him that he couldn't replace. So this was love... this horrible feeling that made him almost wish for death. Sure that was a bit extreme but at least this emptiness would go away. Whatever, at least he'd be with the Death Eaters soon enough, then he'd show everyone what he was. He'd show Emmelia, his stupid brother, hell he'd show this idiot bartender just who Regulus Black was and what he was capable of.

Sitting up a little, he tried to not sway a little as he waited for the bartender to refill his drink. What was he going to do? He was at a loss right now, all he felt like doing was nothing and occasionally inflicting pain on others just to make them feeling something of what he was feeling. This was hell, why hadn't he stayed by his ideas about love. Never fall in love, never get attached, just use and abuse and walk away free. That was the best way to do things, why hadn't he stuck to it? He had been stupid enough to fall in love with somebody closest to him. He'd been blindsided, his heart ripped out, and he'd been left for dead. As the bartender brought him his drink, he smiled, that's what he liked, he liked people doing what he wanted them to do. At least he had that to look forward to. He could just imagine the power he would get when he became a Death Eater, it would be wonderful. Letting out a deep sigh, he tried to free his mind as he took another drink.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia Jenelle Jammison was in the mood to go out for a round of drinks. She was in a mixture of emotions and some of them weren't so pleasant at all. She was happy that she had chosen Sirius, happy that she had him with her, and she felt complete in a sense. Then there was the loss of Regulus that was slowly beginning to eat at her. It wasn't that she felt like she made the wrong decision, it was the fact that she lost one of her best friends. He wouldn't even look at her in the common room, wouldn't respond to her if she tried to talk to him, and it stung her an awful lot. She wished that things could be repaired between them but she wasn't sure if that would be the case at all.

Emmelia was wearing a pair of cut off light blue jean shorts, a pair of gray heels slipped on her feet, and a dark gray loose top adorned her look. She had her hair down in loose curls and she was out to make an impression tonight. Then again that's how she always felt when she went out. She made her way through Hogsmeade and entered the Three Broomsticks, immediately every guy in the place turning to watch her make her way through to the bar. Then she stopped dead...what was he doing here? Sitting at the bar downing a drink was none other than, Regulus Black. Emmelia took in a deep breath and was about to walk to sit next to him when a man grabbed her wrist.

Emmelia spun around to look at him in the face, he pulled her closer to him and without hesitation she punched him right in the nose. That had him not only letting her go but flailing to the floor screaming in pain. All the other guys at the bar hooting and hollering at her. Which she ignored as she walked up behind Regulus and yelled at the bar tender for another round for the two of them. "Drinks are on me." Emmelia told him, not even worried about how many he had already had. It was his decision to get hammered, and she wasn't about to stop him either.

When her drink came she clinked it against his glass and began to pour the liquid down her throat. It was going to be a very interesting night to say the least.

[equivocate]

He hated not being able to talk to one of his best friends, well... now she was his ex-best friend. There was no way he could even look at her without thinking about how much she had betrayed him. And it wasn't as if it had been a small betrayal, something that he could probably forgive her for over time. No, this had been a low blow and something that only very few people would do because every other sane person in the world knew that you just don't do that. Like who thought that dating two brothers was a good idea? Dating anybody related to each other was a really bad idea.

Regulus wasn't in the mood to care about impressions. He was dressed in jeans, and had just thrown on whatever shirt he could find. His hair was a mess, and he honestly could care less which was very out of character for him. Most of the time he liked to be neat and clean and look well groomed, unless he was on holiday and just lounging around Grimmauld Place and not expecting company. But since his intentions right now were to drink and wallow in his own misery, he could care less if he looked like his usual well groomed self.

Hearing the commotion going on behind him, he could just guess that some gorgeous girl had just entered. Not like he cared too much, he wasn't about to go chasing after some girl looking like this and slurring his words. But if the girl was stupid enough to fall for him looking like this, well he didn't mind a little rebound he supposed. Turning around to see what the girl look like, hell no, this could not be happening to him right now. Turning back around and finishing the last of his drink, he prayed she wouldn't come near him. She was the last person he wanted to see, especially after drinking all that he had. But as luck would have it, there she was, he let out a sigh hoping to make it known that he wasn't too pleased by her presence. Well at least she had done something right, at least she had gotten him another drink. Though he wasn't sure why she was doing this, didn't she know that he had been avoiding her for the past two weeks? Hadn't he made it quite obvious?

But he took the drink anyways, still a little bit curious as to why she had bought him a drink. Taking a sip he wondered why his dearest older brother wasn't here with her either. If it were Regulus in his brother's shoes he sure as hell wouldn't have let her go out to a place like this without him. "So where's Sirius?" He asked bitterly, doing his best not to slur his words. He figured he might as well get down to the point, he didn't care anymore whether or not he upset her.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia had never intended for Regulus to get hurt. It was painful to see how much effort he had put into avoiding her around the castle. All she wanted was her friend back, the way things used to be before things got complicated and messy. Even, perhaps, before they started what they started. Sometimes she wished that she never allowed that to happen at all, maybe then she would be able to have him as her friend still. She missed him very much and she wanted at least some part of him in her life.

She sat down next to him at the bar downing her first drink, ordering herself yet another one. She wondered how many Regulus had had prior to her arrival. He looked pretty plastered already, but she wasn't about to tell him to stop either. She began to sip on her second one when she heard his question. "I'm a big girl, Regulus, I can take care of myself. I don't need Sirius with me at all times." Emmelia told him with a small smile. This was already beginning to get awkward, why did he have to bring up Sirius?

Emmelia sighed and shook her head slightly, well, she might as well get hammered. It was too awkward for her to be sitting next to Regulus sober. Even though she started the whole thing, and she deserved being ignored. It pained her to see him just ignore her as he went about his business, she was so used to being able to talk to him, so used to being able to confide in him in anything. She missed it dearly but she knew it was never going to be the same. Emmelia ruined him and she knew it...

[equivocate]

It was annoying to even think about Emmelia with Sirius, it made him want to kill things. Like small and innocent things like cute kittens and stuff like that. Well maybe kittens wasn't a good example as he royally hated cats but still he just wanted to cause something pain. It was so painful to think of what they had together and how she had ruined it all by dating his stupid brother and staying with him. Why hadn't he been good enough? It made him really regret not making everything public, he wished he could go back and change it and really try and make an effort in what they had had together.

How could his idiot brother just let her go off like that? It made him slightly annoyed that his stupid brother could have thought that this was alright. This wasn't a way to treat your so called girlfriend, you were supposed to protect her and make sure that no other guy even got close to her. If he had been him, he would have been there right with her, giving all the other guys the death look for even looking at her. "I know you can take care of yourself, but why would he let you go out without him? If it had been me, I wouldn't have..." But he stopped quickly and tried to distract himself by finishing up his drink. As if things weren't awkward already, he ran his hand through his messy hair and tried to think of anything that would make this a little less weird for the both of them. But really he couldn't think of that much. It wasn't like he could just pretend like what had happened between them didn't happen. He couldn't just not think of their argument in the library and how all his trust for her had completely been thrown out the window.

Motioning to the bartender for another drink, he wasn't really sure if he should have one but he needed something to make this awkward situation a little bit better. He wished they could just go back to being friends, though he would much prefer it if they were more than that. Just as long as he could talk to her again, that would be be nice. Taking a deep breathe, he tried to collect his thoughts, what was he going to do? He really needed to talk to her about everything but at the same time he didn't want to even look at her. Why had they even gotten themselves into this stupid relationship? "So... what have you been up to?" He asked, doing his best to sound a little cheerful as he attempted to make conversation. Honestly he didn't care what she had been doing, since it somewhere in there was Sirius and thought of them made him sick. But he was attempting to be nice, in a way, or at least try and make things not so awkward?

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia missed Regulus, she missed being able to talk and see him when she wanted. Yet she knew she broke that right and privilege with their fight a few weeks ago. The bruise on her arm was fading from where he had grabbed her, but the words he said to her stung still. She rubbed the bruise gently with her opposite arm before taking another drink of the firewhiskey before her. The thing about Sirius and her was that they trusted each other to go out where they wanted. Emmelia knew Sirius would never hurt her, and she hoped that he knew she would never betray him again.

"Sirius trusts that I can manage and handle myself..." She told him in response, kind of cutting herself off at the last part. Regulus would've joined her, that was for sure, because he would knock anyone out who dared to even look at her in the wrong way. She still had feelings for Regulus, she knew that she did, and she also knew that even though he hated her right now he still had feelings as well. It was stupid of her to fall for both the Black brothers, the situation was just awful in general. It created a huge mess of things, and Regulus and her would never be the same.

"Quidditch, school work." Emmelia answered him, not even going to mention the fact about hanging around Sirius since it was a given. "The usual...." She added with a sigh as she finished her second drink of the night. There was a buzz going on and she was a little tipsy that was for sure. She ordered herself another go and asked Regulus, "So, you're really going through with it over the Christmas Holiday then..." She wished that she didn't drive him to that point, but she knew that because of her he was going into it sooner rather than later. Why did he have to become one of them...she never understood why he wanted to go so willingly. Except for the fact that he wanted to please his parents and get his anger out upon her on someone innocent.

Emmelia could feel the hot glare of the guy whom she punched in the face. She only hoped that he would leave her alone and go about his business. No one messed with her at bars, she wasn't afraid to take on a grown man because she knew that when they were drunk she could definitely take one down bare handed. This guy though didn't seem to get the hint to just leave her alone, she was not in the mood to deal with this at all tonight. Before she could tell him to take his chances elsewhere she felt his wand at the small of her back. Closing her eyes for a second she regained her composure, how was she to get out of this one now?

[equivocate]

He didn't regret anything he had said or done that night in the library. Though maybe he shouldn't have been that rough with her. In fact he wished he had been tougher, made it so that she didn't ever want to see him again. It would have made things a lot easier. He had messed up by showing his vulnerability and he was still hating that he had done so.

"You really think he's going to trust you after the mess that you made?" He couldn't help but laugh out loud as she said that Sirius could trust her. Really? Because if it was the other way around and if it had been Regulus who was chosen, he wouldn't be leaving her side. Anybody that could be thought of as a threat would be dealt with immediately. But that was just the kind of guy Regulus was, he was going to show that nobody could touch what belonged to him.

"That sounds...fun," he said, he had to search for the right word, making a very poor attempt at trying to be happy for her. After all hadn't she said he should be happy for her for being happy? What bullshit had that been? He was hardly happy, he was miserable. Hell, he was sitting here drinking himself to death. And her? Well she could go off an be happy with Sirius and life could move on. Yeah life wasn't moving anywhere for Regulus any time soon. Bitter? Yeah just a little bit and that wasn't going to change anytime soon. "That's the plan. If I can do it sooner I will," he said with a shrug as if it were nothing. He was happy with his choice, for the most part, he was still a little bit nervous about what was going to happen but he was sure the nerves would go away soon enough. "Now that there's nothing tying me down, I figured I might as well do it," he added after a moment, taking another sip of his drink.

Regulus looked over at the guy standing close to Emmelia. He wasn't sure if he should interfere. Deep down inside he knew he should, but then again he had told her that she was on her own from now on. If she thought she could handle herself why not just let her get out of this one on her own? Taking another sip of his drink he contemplated what he should do.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia listened to his words and shook her head. This was going nowhere with them, she threw down the money for both their drinks on the bar table. This was going to be her last one for the night, perhaps it would get her to the limit she wanted to be at for the night. With a long sigh she looked toward the door she kind of wished Sirius was here. It wasn't as if she was going to do anything, hell she would never go down that road ever again. She completely ignored everything else he said, it was as if it didn't matter. "I'm done, Reg. I can't stand this from you any longer. I would love to be able to at least talk to you...I miss you, but I'm done after that comment." She was completely pushed away. "Slow down on the alcohol, it's not pretty for you to get belligerent."

Emmelia whipped out her wand within a second, turning around instantly and without a second thought she casted, "Incarcerous."

[/i] The man was tangled up in ropes and Emmelia turned to the owner of the Three Broomsticks, which was the bartender. "You may want to escort this man out of here." The owner knew that he had been harassing her and without hesitation the man was kicked out of the bar.

"There was nothing tying you down before either, Regulus." Emmelia practically snarled at him. They were a secret relationship, secret being the key word, in her mind he was never going to make them public. He could blame as much of this on her, which she would definitely take responsibility for, but perhaps if he was so serious about their relationship he would've made a move sooner to keep it. She was half tempted to state some more things but decided to hold her tongue. With that she downed the rest of her alcohol and slid the empty bottle back at the bar tender.[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[equivocate]

Regulus couldn't believe what he was hearing. She thought they could talk, didn't she notice that he had been trying to avoid her like the plague? There was a reason why as soon as he saw her in the common room, he went up to his dormitory. There was a reason why he was getting to breakfast and dinner as early as possible so he could get in and out as soon as possible and avoid having to see her. He wanted nothing to do with her, because as soon as he saw her the pain and the anger started back up again inside him. "Do you really think I want to talk to you after what you did?" He laughed as he added,"Here let me just try and forget everything that went on between us. Let's try and talk and get back to being how we used to be. I'm not an idiot, Emmelia. I trusted you once, I'm sure as hell not going to do it again." Oh and now she was going to try and tell him what to do. He rolled his eyes and waved the bartender down for another drink, he wasn't about to listen to her, even though he was starting to think that maybe he should quit while he was ahead.

Regulus watched as she dealt with the man, he couldn't help but smile just a little bit. But he quickly hid his amusement as he tried to remind himself just why he was upset with her. He couldn't forget about it, he didn't want to forget about it. It was motivation to get over her and start his new life as a Death Eater.

"You were tying me down, I didn't know if I was going to join if I was going to be with you. I know the risks and what could happen, and I didn't want anything to happen if you were in the picture," he snapped at her. He hoped she was beginning to realize just how much she had meant to him. "But now since you've chosen Sirius, it was pretty easy to make my decision," Regulus said bitterly, he still couldn't believe all this had happened. He couldn't get his mind around the idea that she had chosen Sirius over him. That stupid blood traitor, that had ruined his family, that had caused Regulus so much despair when he had left. She should know just how much his brother had effected him, and yet she still had to go and do this.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia glanced down at the bar table, she shouldn't have acknowledged that Regulus was even here. This whole thing could've been avoided if she just ignored him, she wasn't in the mood to fight with him. Then again with all of his snide remarks Emmelia couldn't help but fight with him. She wasn't going to stand for this. She wanted to fix things between them, but she knew it wasn't going to happen. She stuck her wand back in her pocket and was half tempted to just walk out.

"Fine." Was the only word that came out of her mouth. She had nothing else to say to him, she didn't want to say anything else to him. She was stupid trying to come over here and fix things. She was stupid trying to even just talk to him. Emmelia drew in a long breath but about lost it at his next comment. Her blood began to boil, did he not see that he was wrong right here? He didn't want them in the public eye and she never tied him down.

"You would've joined regardless, you have to please what you think is left of your family. That's all it ever is, have you noticed that you don't need to be the golden boy in their eyes." She started to snap. "Do you really know the risks, Reg? Do you? Because if you did you wouldn't jump the gun so easily. Don't tell me I was tying you down when you wouldn't even make us official because you couldn't stand being tied down. That' why we were a secret wasn't it, so you weren't tied down and could do whatever the hell you wanted. Don't you think that I got tired of it after a while."

"Oh, but I pushed you over the edge to make your ultimate decision." She laughed. "That's a great one, Reg. Please, go, tell me how fun it is after your initiation. I'm sure you will have a hell of a good time." The alcohol was really beginning to kick into her system, her anger that she had was getting too much for her. She needed to calm down.

[equivocate]

"Have you ever thought maybe I like being the golden child? Maybe I like the fact that I am better than Sirius at everything. I thrive off his failure, I am everything he's not." The more he thought about his brother the more and more angry he got. He wished he could get his brother back for everything he had ever done to him. Regulus had never hated his brother, it was more of a deep dislike and being hurt that his brother had left. But now it was hate, his brother had ruined his life and he wanted some payback, now.

He rolled his eyes, he hated how she thought he knew nothing about what he was getting into. Sure he didn't know too much but he knew the important facts. Once you were in, you were in and he had made his decision and there was no turning back now. "I know what I am getting into. I could care less what happens to me anymore," he said angrily slamming his fist on the counter. He hated showing all his emotions, but he wanted her to know just how she was effecting him. "You were tying me down, I didn't want to hurt you. You were everything to me and you were a factor in my decision. The only reason why I kept it a secret for so long because it was good that way. It was fun, and I actually enjoyed being with you. I didn't want that to change. I liked what we had and I didn't want to lose it." He had had a few relationships in the past and they had all ended there was a title involved. How could one girl be so frustrating?!

There was so much he wanted to yell at her right now. He so wished he could hit something. He tried to take a deep breathe and calm down. He didn't want to say anything he might regret, he didn't want to show any more emotion than he needed to. Taking up his drink, he downed it all in one, the burning sensation was a good distraction from Emmelia.

[siriusblack]

It was getting late and Sirius was not the type of guy to be kept waiting. He was constantly checking his watch, and the minutes flew by quicker than normal. Something was obviously not right in the world. Where was Emmelia? She was never the one to be gone for longer than she claimed to be. Of course he was going to be sterner about her, for he was trying to get over what went down with Regulus just two weeks ago. The tension between the brothers was hotter than it has ever been; it was getting a little too out of hand.

Sirius threw on his black jacket, laced his tennis shoes and headed out from his dormitory. Time was slipping away quickly, Sirius darted out the door heading towards the grand staircases. His footsteps were quiet, for he did not want to alert any unnecessary attention towards himself; he was already in enough trouble and did not really want to add more detentions than he had to. He made it to the main door without being seen. The night was falling quickly and Sirius had to find Emmelia before something terrible would happen. He followed where his heart was leading him, and it was telling him to venture to The Three Broomsticks. Sirius could have a drink, the stress was about to kill him so he might as well enjoy his last drink before his so called demise.

A heavy wooden door was all the stood in his way, he pushed the door open and the bell rang. What the… Regulus Black was seated next to Emmelia, this was not a good sight to see. However, Regulus seemed to be “tied” up at the moment. Sirius stood behind Regulus and Emmelia, only hearing the words Have you ever thought maybe I like being the golden child? Maybe I like the fact that I am better than Sirius at everything. I thrive off his failure, I am everything he's not. He smirked and calmly tapped his brother on the shoulder, giving him a solemn glare.

Ah ok, so that makes you a woman beater, dumbass and brown noser.

[/color] It felt good to give Regulus what he deserved, but Sirius was too good for starting a fight in a bar, that was not his type of thing. After he had spoken, he removed his hand from Regulus’ shoulder and sat in between Emmelia and his own brother. His gaze moved from the two Slytherin’s to the bartender. One firewhisky, sir.[/color]

Words: 421
Wearing: Click, for reals
[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia could feel someone behind her and when she heard Sirius' voice she almost smirked. She was glad that he was here, she was sick and tired of fighting with his brother. The whole thing was getting completely out of hand and she needed it to end as quickly as possible. If she would've known just talking to him would cause a huge fight she would've avoided him at all costs. She didn't have anything else to say to Regulus and looked over at Sirius as he sat in between them. This was going to get very bad very fast and she knew it. "I'll have another one as well." She told the bartender.

Emmelia gave Sirius the I didn't know he was here at first look. She didn't want him to think that she was secretly seeing Regulus all over again. That was all she needed. She would never harm Sirius again, she promised him it after all. She kept her promises too, she never broke them. It was like if she did she had a huge guilt trip, and even when she was sneaking around between them both she was very guilty. With a long sigh she took her drink and took a swig of it.

She watched the two brothers carefully. Something was about to break here soon, and she was going to have to step in between them. Regulus was drunk and he was angry, she knew that he wanted to harm Sirius after she told him about the whole situation, and it was only a matter of time that it just erupted right before her eyes. She had her hand against her wand in her pocket, ready to use it if needed...even against the one person she was attempting to make amends with.

[equivocate]

Feeling the tap on his shoulder, he could only guess who it was. Aw it was prince charming to the rescue. Ugh, just the thought was disgusting. His brother just had to ruin everything, typical Sirius. Whatever he didn't mind playing the villain, but if he was going to be the villain he was going to do some major damage. He did have some big plans up his sleeve, including doing whatever he could to get back at his brother for everything he'd ever done.

He glared at his brother, oh so he was the dumbass? Yeah, sure and his brother had done what with his life? Gotten disowned by his family and now lived with a bunch of muggle lovers? Yeah because that was so great. Whereas where was Regulus? In Slytherin, about to become a Death Eater, yeah that was success right there. "I'm the dumbass? This coming from the guy who let his girlfriend, who has a sketchy history, go off and where do you find her? Oh here with me. Yeah I'm definitely the dumbass," he said with a smirk, he would love for his brother to try and hit him. He didn't even care if he lost a fight to his brother, just as long as he got to do some damage that's all he cared about. "As for being a woman beater, I'm not regretting what I did," he glared at Emmelia, if there was some guilt before there certainly wasn't now that his dearest older brother was here. And besides it wasn't as if he beat her senseless, he just grabbed her and threatened her. As far as he was concerned that was pretty mild to what he had really been wanting to do.

Letting out an annoyed sigh, he kept his eyes focused on Sirius. After all he was the enemy and the person Regulus was mostly against. He did his best to sound cheerful, as he leaned against the counter and said,"So how have you been lately, my oh so wonderful brother?" Not like he cared but he wanted to get rid of some of this awkwardness, plus it would distract him a little from wanting to kill his brother right here and now.

[Emmelia Analeigh Jammison]

Emmelia practically lost it at Regulus' comment, she was fuming by that point. "Oh, I'm sorry I sauntered in here and saw your sorry ass sitting here. Sorry, I decided to attempt to be nice to you, you know what fuck you." Emmelia downed her drink with one single swig and continued on, "I've had it with you, go ahead and kill yourself with your so called career choice, because I don't give a damn anymore. I am done. Sure, I did something horribly wrong, yes, I regret it and I will the rest of my damn life, but at least I'm moving on. And I'll be able to so much better with cutting you out."

With that she stood up from the bar stool, stumbling slightly. She took a hold of Sirius' arm and kissed him gently. Oh, how she wanted to get Regulus reeling after that comment. "Let's go, Sirius." She whispered to him. There was no way in hell she was going to sit here and look at his brother anymore. She was completely done with him, she was cutting him out of her life, and she was not going to stand him tearing her down anymore. "Oh, and by the way, Reg. Next time you attempt to fight me, you may want to do a better job at it. You're weak as hell." She growled at him before turning to go through the crowd.

She waited in the back for Sirius, her adrenaline rushing, her blood was hot in her veins. How dare he attempt to tear her down? How dare he act like she was there specifically for him? She wanted to slap him, she wanted to hex him, do something horrible to him by that point. They would never recover from this and she was going to be sure that he was brought completely to his lowest at that point. That would teach him to mess with her.

(Sorry, CJ & LIE, lol I couldn't wait)